


I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun

by ElizaKroon, trinasong



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, College AU, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, LGBT Themes, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Working it Out, kinda slowburn, lots of feelings, trina and mendel are both terribly big disasters, who can NOT figure out their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 14:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18500791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaKroon/pseuds/ElizaKroon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinasong/pseuds/trinasong
Summary: “You come to college to train to be a psychiatrist, and you end up stranded on a bench at eleven at night because your roommate has a thing with alternating between three girls every night.“—in which mendel and trina muddle their way through a complicated relationship while juggling work and too many awkward glances and smilesi wrote mendel, eliza wrote trina.





	1. right where we stood was holy ground

**Author's Note:**

> hey! thanks a bunch for looking into this. all chapter names are from eliza, so thank her for those. 
> 
> enjoy!

_ You come to college to train to be a psychiatrist, and you end up stranded on a bench at eleven at night because your roommate has a thing with alternating between three girls every night.  _

 

Mendel scoffed, looking up. The sky was clouded over, leaving no room for a poetic comment on the stars to soothe the irritation. He was half frozen, wearing only a light jacket he’d picked up on his way out. 

 

College wasn’t all that. It wasn’t drinking, and parties, and organised files and folders, and nice dorms. It was more like living off ramen, cheap orange juice and cold showers.

 

He grumbled, pulling his jacket tighter around him as the cold from the bench started to chill him. As if it wasn’t already.

—

Trina had just been pushed out of her dorm as well, and she wasn’t taking it so great either. The night before, she stayed up all night to finish an assignment, so she was sleep deprived as hell.

 

She was gonna go to bed early that night. Until she got kicked out of her own room, of course. So, she was hoping she could sleep outside on a usually abandoned bench. Like a homeless.

 

When she spotted someone else sitting there, she realized that her night was just gonna be hell, and her mood worsened (she didn’t even know that was possible, with how moody she already was).

 

She sat down on the bench, face buried in her hands as she tried to accept her fate.

———

Mendel recognised her instantly. Trina something. Something Jewish. Friend of friend. Journalism. She usually sat close to the back of the library, and always had iced tea.

 

The wind blew, and he got a trace of her perfume as she sat down. Floral. It was comforting, despite the fact she looked thunderous. Her light cardigan and shin length skirt said nothing close to stormy, but the way she carried herself said otherwise.

 

Mendel wasn’t about to speak to her, and so he shifted slightly, giving her more space. He glanced around, mainly just for something to do. It was a game of ‘look anywhere but the pretty woman beside you’.

—

Trina briefly glanced over at him, contemplating if she had the strength to talk to him. He was vaguely familiar, but it wasn’t like she knew anything about him. He was cute, though.

 

Well, sulking wasn’t going to get her anywhere, she presumed. Trina straightened her back and turned to him, eyes barely even open. 

 

“Hey. What are you doin’ here?”

 

She blinked repeatedly, and folded her hands in her lap. She could stay awake. This was fine. Totally fine. It had to be, because if she fell asleep right there, she would definitely have to move to the other side of the world.

————

He had to take a moment to register that she was talking to him. Typical, of course. He was primarily caught up in not looking at her that when he had to, he forgot  _ how _ to.

 

“Oh. My roommate. You know...girls. I’m more out of my room than in it. Hah. You?”

 

Well, he hadn’t completely blanked, so that was better than nothing. It still wasn’t something. She looked tired. Oh, god, what if he accidentally told her that? She’d slap him, probably.

 

Would she slap anyone? She didn’t seem like the type. In this mood, maybe. Or did she look too tired?

—

“Same thing, basically. My roommate got drunk, and I think she just picked the first guy she saw to bring home. I’m not even sure it was a guy. He looked more like a blow up doll. Maybe that’s just me, though.”

 

He really did look cute as hell like this. Sure, her vision was blurry, but still… This wasn’t the only thing she noticed about him, though, because when she looked into his eyes, he seemed to be having some kind of internal existential crisis. 

 

“Are you alright? You look a little troubled.”

 

She rubbed her eyes, sitting back a little. God, this bench was the most uncomfortable thing she’d ever sat on. 

———

“Troubled? No. No, not at all. No, sir,” he said, shifting. “Well, in your case it wouldn’t be ‘sir’ but—well, you catch my drift.”

 

Mendel pursed his lips, laughing nervously. She really was pretty, huh? He’d noticed it, of course, but never like this.

 

“You study journalism, right? That is right, isn’t it?” He asked, tone growing more panicked. He knew it was journalism. Still, there was that irrational fear that maybe it wasn’t.

 

He offered a lopsided smile.

—

“Uh-huh, that’s right. Are you sure you’re okay? Because you’re sounding frantic now. You don’t have to be nervous, you know. I mean— it’s just me.”

 

Trina moved in closer, slowly putting her hand on his. Oh, god. That was weird. Was it? She just wanted to comfort him. Maybe this made it worse. She sure hoped not. 

 

“I heard you’re studying to become a psychiatrist. That sounds hard. Exhausting, too. Tell me, what’s it like?”

 

She smiled back at him, eyes warm. Maybe they just needed to get through this awkward part of the conversation.

———

He practically jumped six feet in the air when she set her hand over his. “No, I’m not nervous. Just jittery. I get like that when it’s late,” he explained with an awkward laugh.

 

“Psychiatrist. Yeah,” Mendel mused, almost feeling pleased that she knew. “It’s exhausting. Draining. It’ll be for a good cause, though. Helping people and stuff. No doubt I’ll be lousy.”

 

Her touch was sweet. She had cold hands, but they somehow comforted him. His own hands were rougher, and less elegant. Of course they were. 

 

“And journalism? How’s that?”

—

“I’m sure you’ll be great, really. Even just your presence is very comforting, and I can tell that you work hard, so I think you’ll be an amazing psychiatrist.”

 

Trina brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face, looking down at their hands. This was nice. Maybe they should hang out more often. Although they occasionally saw each other, they never really talked until now. 

 

“It’s exhausting too. There’s a lot of assignments, so there’s a lot of late nights. I do really like it, though. Still, all the work combined with the heavy subject matter we have to deal with sometimes is overwhelming.”

———

He smiled slightly at her reassuring words. She really was sweet. She shivered slightly, noticing the air get colder.

 

“That makes sense. Well, it’s good you like it. Right? Better than working hard and not liking it. Say, there’s a diner not far from here. You wanna go grab some coffee or something?”

 

Mendel just hoped she’d say yes. Mainly because he liked her, and he was freezing. And he could totally go for fries. 

 

He ran a hand through his hair, shifting.

—

Trina smiled brightly and nodded at that. Thank god he suggested it, because it’s not like she would, although she could definitely use some coffee. She’d probably fall asleep within fifteen minutes without it. 

 

“I would like that. I could pay for the both of us, if you want. It was my birthday last week, so I have some extra money.”

 

She stood up, holding out her hand for him. Gutsy move, especially in this situation. Well, it wasn’t like this was a common situation, so she might as well, right? She could use some affection.

———

He decided she probably wouldn’t want to see him after tonight, and so he took her hand. He felt himself blush, even in the cold.

 

“I’ll pay. I suggested it,” he said quickly, walking with her. He tried to match his steps with hers. She had a weird gait. Not that it was bad or anything.

 

Mendel wasn’t sure how all of this would turn out, and it all seemed too merry and sickeningly cliche to be a good thing. Maybe she just needed company. Well, he didn’t think she was expecting him to propose.

—

Trina definitely wanted to see him after that. She hadn’t had such a sweet and genuine interaction in far too long. She just wasn’t sure if he felt the same, especially with how nervous he seemed to be.

 

“Thank you. You’re too kind,” she said softly, giving him a gentle smile. She noticed how he was trying to match the way they walked, and it made her feel warm inside. Or maybe she should just walk differently. 

 

They arrived at the diner soon enough, and Trina picked out a booth next to the window. Although the sky was cloudy, the view was nice enough. They’d just have to settle for this, she presumed. 

———

Mendel sat opposite, clearing his throat. He was grateful to be out of the cold, and somewhere with better lighting. At least that way he could see her better. That meant she could see  _ him _ better. Well, he wouldn’t have minded so much if he didn’t look like he’d been dragged for miles.

 

“Tell me more. About you. That sounded like a really cliche first date. Not that this is a date,” he corrected himself quickly. If this was a date, he’d failed his parents.

 

Somehow  _ she  _ didn’t look like she’d been dragged for miles, and they were in the same position. Mother Nature really attacked him with this one.

—-

“It’s not.. Well, alright. Uhh, I’m twenty one. Jewish. My parents are both engineers. I have an older sister, her name is Rachel. She works at Disneyland. I’m not that interesting, really… I sing, I presume.”

 

Oh, God, this was awful. She didn’t have a single thing to say about herself. She just hoped he didn’t mind all too much. What if he didn’t want anything to do with her after this? She wouldn’t blame him, with how fucking boring she was. Trina cleared her throat.

 

“God, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what to say about myself. I’m pretty boring. But what about you?”

———

She was endearing, if anything. Mendel didn’t find her boring, but noticed she seemed...less focused on herself.

 

“Tell me more about yourself. You told me about your family, there,” he laughed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. He probably wasn’t supposed to say that.

 

Honestly, he didn’t know  _ what _ to say. He was usually so caught up with work and studying and...surviving on noodles and OJ that he rarely found the time to actually do things like this.

—

“Oh, I know.. I’m not sure what I could say. I just— I guess I’ve always wanted to be a journalist. There was a little phase where I wanted to be a writer.. but I’ve always known that this was what I was meant to do.”

 

Trina was growing more nervous by the minute. She really didn’t think of herself as worth talking about. A friend of a friend was the most accurate description of her, when she looked at herself. 

 

“I like kids too, I presume. I’ve always wanted a family. I’d love to get to married and just settle down.. I don’t like chaos. Especially not when it’s the norm. I’m not enjoying myself much in college..”

———

“You know, you’re the first girl I’ve met who’s said anything like that. Everyone around here seems to want to pack up, travel the world, find fame or whatever. I haven’t met anyone like you, actually. I like the idea of settling. Married or not. Probably not, in my case,” he joked, but realised it didn’t sound like it.

 

“I think I don’t expect much, so I’m okay with settling. The idea fits with me, I think…” he trailed off. “Well, I hope you find the right man. Or woman. I don’t want to assume.”

 

Mendel seemed to assume a lot, and  _ not  _ assuming it seemed to be the better way out.

—

“It’s not like I don’t wanna be successful or whatever. And I can see the appeal of traveling the world and finding fame, I guess.” Not really, but still. “It’s just not for me?”

 

“I think you could get married. You’re sweet, and you’re charming, and you’re handsome. Don’t be too hard on yourself! You’re a great guy.”

 

Maybe they could get married. Wait,  _ what?  _ The fact that she got that thought so quickly concerned her a bit. Still, they had the same wishes, and that calmed her down a little. 

———

Mendel felt his cheeks heat up again, and he shifted about. He was hardly ever complimented like that. It was primarily ‘a smart, well mannered young man’ from his family and friends of family.

 

He was about to speak, before being interrupted by a young blonde waitress. She was pretty, and Mendel smiled slightly. Brown eyes, a long bob and a sweet smile.

 

“What can I get you?” She offered with a light Jersey twang. She rocked on her heels, still smiling.

 

Mendel blushed. “Oh—uhh, two cups of coffee. And two slices of cherry pie?” He glanced at Trina.

—

The waitress seemed nice. Still, she’d gotten very attached to him already, and with how exhausted she still was, she felt an irrational feeling of jealousy rush through her. 

 

“Yeah, that sounds nice. Thank you.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and smiled a little at the waitress. She couldn’t take her jealousy out on the poor girl. It was late, and she probably wanted to go to sleep just as much as Trina did. 

 

Besides, Mendel and her hadn’t even properly talked before this. There was no reason for her to be jealous. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling, and she started fidgeting under the table.

———

“No problem,” she said, scribbling down the order and tucking the pen in her pocket. “Coming right up, honey.”

 

Mendel thanked her, his blush deepening. He almost looked giddy. Well, it was late. That, and he seemed to think every woman he met was a goddess.

 

His eyes lingered as she walked away, a spring in her step. He smiled again before turning back to her.

 

“Nice, huh?”

—

“Mhm. Sweet woman,” she managed, looking up at him briefly before fixing her eyes on her skirt. 

 

Oh, this was truly hell. She could’ve been asleep in her dorm right now, instead of nearly crying in a diner at half past eleven because a guy she just started talking to was nice to a waitress. 

 

She’d love to not be attached so quickly. It wasn’t like she had much else. College was very far away from her family, and she didn’t have many close friends at school. Two or three, maybe? Not to mention her non-existent love life. She just hoped things would look up for her when she graduated.

———

“Real sweet,” he said fondly, tapping his nails on the table. He smiled, looking down. She seemed like his type.

 

He kind of wanted to sleep. Primarily. Not to sound rude on her behalf. She was sweet, and she was pretty, and she was gentle. He smiled at her. This was unusual, but it was pleasant. 

 

Mendel glanced out of the window at the cars passing by, and he tuned in to the faint, and slightly obscure music playing. This wasn’t the worst place, actually.

—

Maybe this wasn’t her smartest decision. At least she had the entire weekend to sulk about it, she presumed. Maybe talk to the mutual friend they had. 

 

If the waitress really was Mendel’s type, she was fucked, because Trina looked nothing like her. They had the same eye color, but other than that, they were almost opposites. It kind of made her want to cry.

 

“I should probably go back to my dorm after this,” she slowly said, still not looking up at him. She just needed a break. Maybe she just needed to be alone. Or maybe her being alone was the problem.

———

“Yeah. It’s getting late,” he said, a little baffled by her sudden change in mood. Still, he smiled to himself, occasionally glancing over at the waitress. 

 

A different waiter stopped by the table, setting down their order and giving them an unenthusiastic ‘enjoy’.

 

He scooted the slice of pie over to her, smiling a little. “The pie is great here,” Mendel added, picking up his own fork. She seemed quiet, but he assumed she was just tired.

—

“Mhm,” she said, taking a bite of her own. She wasn’t sure what to say, or what to do, or if he’d noticed that she was upset. He wouldn’t stop looking at the damn waitress, she noticed. Great.

 

Perhaps she was overreacting, but she was tired and she liked him. A lot. From what she heard, his love life wasn’t much either, but she’d love some consideration. Then again, he said it wasn’t a date.

 

It wasn’t a date. That kinda changed everything, right? She was just being overly dramatic. Trina finished her food soon enough, and spoke up again.

 

“I think I’m gonna go home.”

———

“Oh. You want me to walk you back there? It’s late. I wouldn’t want you walking alone in the dark,” Mendel said, finishing his coffee.

 

He glanced up at her. She seemed tired. Not just physically, it seemed. Still, he wouldn’t pry. You never know what happens with some people, or what they’re dealing with. So he left it.

 

Mendel checked the time. 12:34 pm. He was impossibly grateful it was a Friday, because he was too tired to even think about waking up at 6.

 

He stood, clearing his throat.

—

“No, that’s alright. I’ll be okay on my own. I know how to protect myself.” She stood up as well, clutching her purse. 

 

Maybe she’d feel better the next day, after crying for a bit and getting enough sleep. It was already evident that part of her irrational jealousy came from her exhaustion. Right now, she just wanted to think about getting to her dorm without any trouble.

 

So, she quickly said goodbye, and left the diner, her keys between her fingers. 

 

When she arrived home, she just immediately lied down, trying to process the situation (by crying deeply) and falling asleep around two


	2. cake fixes everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! this is simply a continuation of the previous chapter, so nothing was missed. enjoy!

Mendel, upon arriving back at his (now empty?) dorm, realised he’d screwed her over. How? He didn’t know. Maybe it was something he said. That’s one friendship down the drain. 

 

He woke up late, checking his phone. He hadn’t given her his phone number, because he didn’t want to seem like a flirt, but they’d exchanged where their rooms where. Wasn’t that ideal?

 

Mendel didn’t think he could face her after that shambles. He hadn’t even noticed she was  _ upset,  _ and he’d carried on, happy as Larry. Who the hell was Larry? Clearly not someone who disappointed women upon first encounter.

—

Trina didn’t even wake up until it was one in the afternoon. Did she feel better? Heavily debatable. He probably never wanted to speak to her again after that whole ordeal.

 

She had other things on her mind, though, as her roommate was horribly hungover, and Trina, being nurturing and also a huge pushover, decided to spend the day taking care of her. 

 

Maybe she was just procrastinating with all this? She didn’t even know if she was gonna talk to him again. She didn’t want to force him into it. With how she acted the previous night, she assumed he wouldn’t enjoy a second conversation.

———

A week or so had passed. Mendel had seen her in the library, but didn’t want to push. He’d assumed that after the mess that was Friday, she didn’t want anything to do with him. 

 

He didn’t react to that, because he wasn’t surprised. That was depressing, but he knew that pushing her would only spur more dislike for him. 

 

Mendel, since then, had tried to focus on his work. To no avail, but that was beside the point. He still felt terrible. He was so painfully oblivious that he’d screwed up any chance of closeness to a girl.

—

Trina also felt terrible. She was still so attached to him, and she presumed that if he wanted to talk to her, he’d approach her. She really had no hope left. 

 

She’d been trying to let go ever since Friday. Still, after a week of contemplating, things still didn’t seem right. He  _ was  _ a very nervous and awkward person, so of course he wasn’t going to talk to her first. 

 

Finally, she decided to swallow her pride and go to his dorm. The real question was: when? With all the work she had to do, she basically had no time to go visit him.

———

The day Mendel spoke to her first would be the day he died. He couldn’t imagine it. Maybe that was just tragic. He’d have to be his own psychiatrist at this point.

 

It was a Wednesday, and he was completely shattered. Well and truly. What better way to relax than watch a crappy movie on an equally crappy TV with a glass of orange juice? He could think of many better ways, but it wasn’t all bad.

 

He’d moved on to an extent. By move on, he meant get over the humiliation of being completely, utterly, well and truly oblivious. 

 

That was the real tragedy.

—

Trina finally had some free time, and so she slowly walked over to Mendel’s dorm, knocking hesitantly. This better be the right room, or she’d probably run herself over. 

 

This was it, huh? With a little bit of luck, she could make things right again. She bought him lilies, and she was holding the bouquet in her shaking hands. Maybe that could help her case. 

 

She waited patiently, even though the fact that it took him some time to open the door made her even more anxious. It was fine. He had a lot of work to do, probably. 

———

Mendel opened the door, but looked a little ruffled. Even more so when he noticed that it was Trina. And that she had lilies. 

 

“Oh! Oh—hey. Hey, uh, how are you?” He offered, running a hand through his hair. Mendel bit his lip slightly.

 

“Who is it, honey?” A light female voice called from behind him. A light voice with a Jersey twang. Mendel tried not to cringe.

—

_ No. _

 

Oh, god, this was absolutely the worst it could’ve gone. And yet, why was she surprised? Of course he would’ve found someone else, and of course it was the  _ fucking waitress _ . 

 

Well, she was still sure the waitress was a lovely woman, and didn’t deserve her anger, blah, blah, blah. And she couldn’t be mad at Mendel, either. It’s not like they had an established relationship. Still, this upset her more than she could say. 

 

Trina was completely frozen for a minute, before her hands started shaking so badly that she dropped the flowers, and she couldn’t do anything but run off in tears. 

 

Fuck her life.

———

Mendel swore, he picked up the flowers, glancing down the hall. He would’ve called after her, had he not been so shocked. 

 

The waitress, Diana, he’d found, stood. She didn’t think before ducking under his arm, which was resting on the wall. She half-ran half-jogged after Trina, wearing only a long shirt (Mendel’s) and a pair of shorts.

 

That surprised him more than Trina. He’d expected her to tell him to leave it and focus on it later. But then again, Diana wasn’t like that, he’d learned.

—

Trina just barely reached her door, completely breaking down before she could open it. She sobbed uneasily, her head bowed and her arms crossed. 

 

Just when she’d gotten over it and finally got the confidence to try again.. Right there and then, she decided never to do something like that again. What was the use? A friend of a friend. It was all she was ever gonna be.

 

When she briefly looked behind her shoulder, she was surprised to see the waitress standing there. Surely, she would hate Trina. At least dislike her. She really was sweet, she presumed. 

 

And honestly, that just made it worse.

———

Diana stepped a little closer. “Honey—“ she tried, reaching out. Oh, she felt so dreadful. Mendel had told her that they weren’t anything when they showed up at the diner, and she’d went along with that.

 

Of course, Trina didn’t see it that way. Oh, but she’d bought him lilies. Lilies! 

 

“C’mere,” she said, stepping a little closer to her again, and pulling her shirt down a little further. The shorts were short.

—

Trina carefully put her arms around Diana, starting to hyperventilate into her (his, really) shirt. Oh, this was bad. She was really doomed now.

 

“I was gonna make things right,” she got out through sobs. “I was.. I guess I missed my shot. I’m sorry for asking, but… for how long have you been together now?”

 

She really couldn’t resist asking. She had to know how badly she fucked up. Diana was already calling him honey. Well, she called everyone honey, so that didn’t really mean anything. God, this was so damn unfair. 

———

Diana put her arms around Trina, sighing gently. “I know, honey. Well, we’ve been a thing since last Monday. Just after that Friday he swung by the diner.”

 

She felt bad for even telling her that. It was a weight on both their shoulders. 

 

“You know, he hasn’t stopped talking about you since Monday. Oh, he feels terrible, honey. Don’t be mad at him for this. I know that’s not what you want to hear, and especially not from me,” she said as gently as she could.

——

Trina just cried harder at that. She already couldn’t let herself be mad, and hearing it from someone else directly involved in the situation made it much, much worse. 

 

“I know— I know. I should leave you guys alone,” she said, nodding a little to herself. “Don’t worry about me. Sorry for trying to come between you two. Just— have fun, and take care. Tell him that too, please?”

 

She pulled back and opened her door, hands still trembling. She strained a weak smile before closing the door behind her, burying her face in her hands and sitting down on her bed. 

———

Diana frowned slightly, rubbing the back of her neck. She watched the door close, and padded back to Mendel’s room.

 

“What was that? Is she alright?” Mendel asked, lilies still in hand. 

 

“She needs to be taken care of,” she said, moving into Mendel’s arms and looking up at him. “So, I want you to buy her iced tea tomorrow. And talk. Don’t apologise like you always do.”

 

Mendel kissed Diana gently, stroking her hair. “I will. Come to bed,” he offered, although it was still awkward to say that. And he couldn’t get Trina off his mind, even with Diana in his arms.

—

Even though this was horribly surprising and upsetting, Trina had a game plan. Granted, it wasn’t a very smart plan, but it could make her feel better. She hoped. 

 

She put on an old sweater and sweatpants, curling up on her couch with The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, cake, and a bottle of rosé. Cake makes everything better. 

 

She wasn’t planning on talking to anyone or leaving her dorm for a few days. Again, not the smartest choice, but what else was she gonna do? She really couldn’t face anyone in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!  
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz !


	3. loves an end game but it’s not a game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just another chapter of them trying to figure out what the hell theyre doing!
> 
> enjoy

Mendel had waited at the library the day after, and Trina hadn’t shown. Maybe she was avoiding him after that. Of course she was. He’d avoid himself if he could.

 

He wasn’t sure he could deal with the guilt. Was it guilt? He didn’t even think she was remotely interested in her, so in his defence, he couldn’t have helped this.

 

Diana was sweet. She cared, and she was pretty, and she let him shower first when she stayed over, and she helped him with his work and made good coffee. 

 

She liked when he played with her hair, but Mendel sometimes wished it was Trina. Sure, it hadn’t been long, but something about the concept made him blush. And made him feel guilty.

—-

Lesson of the day: never, ever, ever let Trina make a game plan. It’s never a good plan. She didn’t even like games! Besides, this was treating love like a game. That was bad, wasn’t it?

 

Even if love  _ was  _ a game, it confirmed the fact that in order for a victory, someone else must lose. Thanks, Rachel Bloom. 

 

Trina had sent herself in a horrible downwards spiral. After a few days, she was still in the same state she was in on the day she found out about Diana and Mendel. 

 

She wanted to be happy for them so badly. They worked well together. That’s what it seemed like? Diana was gentle and considerate, which worked well with Mendel’s constant anxiety. They were both sweet and they looked good together too.

 

Still, she couldn’t bear to see them together. Did he know how she felt? More importantly, if he did, why would he do anything about it?

——

Another two weeks passed, and it still didn’t feel right. 15 days later and it didn’t feel right. He’d seen Trina around, but he didn’t know how she was doing. He couldn’t  _ see _ how she was doing. And she never seemed to look his way.

 

He was currently perched on a stool in the diner, Diana flitting around and kissing his cheek occasionally. He smiled when she did so, but it still didn’t feel like it should be Diana and not Trina. 

 

He watched her, her blonde curls bouncing as she walked and smiled and laughed. She was so wonderful, but he was so distracted.

—

Trina finally got herself together, and it only took her two weeks! That was a new record. She decided to go to the diner where she spent that evening with Mendel.

 

Maybe, if she went there all on her own, and just worked on her assignments, the place could become normal for her. She didn’t want something so stupid to ruin a nice place like that diner. 

 

Just her luck that Mendel was there while Diana had her shift. Absolutely  _ fabulous _ . She picked out a table far away from him, and just pulled out her laptop and started typing. 

 

She should’ve just gone to Starbucks like a normal person.

———

Mendel cringed as he spotted Trina, and have a desperate look to Diana. She patted his cheek affectionately before heading to Trina’s table.

 

“Evening, honey. What can I get for you?” She offered as sweetly as she could. The last thing she wanted was to upset her. Here, especially.

 

Mendel watched cautiously. Very cautiously. He knew she’d seen him, but chose to avoid him. Smart move. He sipped his coffee, worried by how pale Trina was looking. She looked beautiful, nonetheless. That made him feel worse, as she should’ve been pining over  _ Diana. _

_ — _

“Just coffee’s fine, thank you,” she said with a smile, voice strangely quiet. She’d lost her voice at some point in the last two weeks, which was an unpleasant experience. 

 

She turned back to her laptop, working on some piece about politics. It should’ve been enough to distract herself from the situation, and it almost was. Still, she couldn’t resist glancing over at Mendel every once in a while. 

 

She kept typing nonetheless, her legs crossed and her back unnervingly straight. She was doing perfectly fine, and she was gonna look like it, damnit. 

———

Mendel listened to Diana’s gentle praise, but didn’t quite  _ listen _ . It was more like he  _ heard  _ it. 

 

Diana busied herself with Trina’s coffee, and took it over with a light step. She set down a muffin beside the cup. “That’s on me, honey. Give me a call if you need anything,” she said before leaving. Surprisingly, Diana cared about Trina. And she didn’t look all too good.

 

Mendel couldn’t take it. He got up, much to Diana’s protests, and he slid across from her.

 

“Hey.”

—

Trina quickly thanked Diana, taking a sip of her coffee. It really was good. When Mendel approached her table, she wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it. 

 

She was still healing, and even just seeing him was already all too much for her. Then again, wasn’t this what she wanted all along? He was finally talking to her. Hopefully it wouldn’t be as bad this time.

 

“Hey,” she said, her eyes still fixated on her laptop. She was  _ busy.  _ “How are you? I see you and Diana are still going strong. I’m happy for you.”

———

“I—yeah. Yeah. Smooth sailing,” he said, glancing over at her and feeling a pang of guilt. “She’s great,” he said, frantically trying to smooth it over. “Yeah. Good. Good—in bed, too. Not just that. I mean—how are you? You look well.”

 

Mendel couldn’t help but stare. Trina, with her strong cheekbones and dark eyes and freckles. His attraction to her was shameful. Well, in his circumstances at least.

 

No, he didn’t regret Diana. It’s just there was no way he’d ever get out of this without hurting her and getting Trina to even look at him. 

——

Trina picked up her coffee cup once again, sipping it, still not moving her eyes. She raised her eyebrows at that comment on Diana. 

 

“I’m not sure why you think I need to know that, but sure. And I am well. School’s going great. I still have a lot of work, though. You’ve only told me how you and Diana are doing. How are you, personally?”

 

Did she care? Yes, a whole lot, but she tried to come across as calm and aloof as possible. She was heartbroken by all the circumstances, and she was getting better, but she’d love it if he didn’t do this right now.

———

“I know— _ sorry.  _ Well, I—uh, I’m glad school is good for you right now. I’m fine. I’m happy,” he said, nodding to himself. Was he? Sure, she was pretty, and sweet, but she wasn’t Trina. 

 

She wouldn’t even look at him, goddamnit. Did he screw her over that badly?

 

“What about you? You aren’t in the library as much,” he said, as though he hadn’t been observing her for a while.

 

“I just noticed. That’s all. I mean, you can study where you like. I don’t control that. God, no. I just noticed.”

——

Trina wasn’t planning on looking at him any time soon. She was still very fragile, and making eye contact with him would probably just make her cry again. Well, she’d cried enough. 

 

“Yeah, I just figured it’d be better for me if I just studied in my dorm. It means I have a more familiar space, and it means I can play music without headphones. It’s quite nice, actually.”

 

She took a bite of the muffin, setting it down again. “I’m glad you’re happy. Really. You deserve it, and so does Diana. I hope school’s going well for you, too.”

———

He nodded, although she probably wouldn’t see that. It hurt that she didn’t look up.

 

“I’ll—I’ll see you around,” he said, sounding slightly choked up as he stood. Mendel went to the counter and explained to Diana that he was going to catch up on some work.

 

Diana only nodded, and she kissed him quickly before going back to work. Mendel pulled on his jacket, and cast his eyes down as he walked.

 

He shouldn’t be so attached to her. He hardly knew her, and he had a girlfriend who loved him.

—

“Yeah.”

 

Trina was out of the diner within five minutes, not before quickly apologizing to Diana. What for? She didn’t even know. 

 

She walked quickly, her heels clicking rhythmically. When she arrived at her dorm, it became apparent that she had not, in fact, cried enough. She just wanted a chance to start over. But that’s not how life works. 

 

She was in love, wasn’t she? That’s just awesome. Of all the people she could’ve fallen in love with, it just had to be him. 

 

She contemplated going over to his dorm and trying to talk to him, but that was a bad idea the last time she did it, so it was unlikely that she’d do that again.

———

Mendel would’ve went over to speak to her, but she’d probably have a blanket over her head to avoid looking at him.

 

He regretted that thought, cringing. He buried his face in the pillow, and caught Diana’s perfume. Diana was good to him. She’d be a good wife, too. Should it ever come to that.

 

He did his very best to put aside his issues with Trina. If she didn’t want to know, then so be it.  _ Stiff upper lip, _ he thought. 

 

This was nothing ten minutes in the shower and thoughts of Diana wouldn’t fix.

——

Falling in love with a guy who understands nothing was her dumbest decision ever, and she was the one to come up with her  _ game plan.  _

 

Well, it’s not like falling in love with him was her decision. Sometimes, she liked to blame her roommate, because she kicked her out that night. 

 

Truthfully, she just blamed herself. From a friend of a friend to the other woman. That definitely wasn’t better. Quite the opposite, really.

 

She wanted to let go so badly, and just let Diana and Mendel be happy together, and find someone else. But let’s be honest, who else? Who could live up to this now?

———

He really couldn’t change this. He looked down at a sleeping Diana, and he kissed her forehead to try and muster up some strength. She moved in closer, and he felt  _ something. _ He drifted off after that.

 

The next day wasn’t easier. He didn’t want to pull himself out of bed only to leave the dorm and face Trina on his commute to class the way he did every day.

 

He ought to just let her move on, instead of badgering her about it. Take Di out for dinner, watch a movie, sleep with her and sleep  _ in _ the next day. Simple as that.

—-

Trina stayed in that day. Sick. Sick of all this bullshit! No, but she was actually ill, though. 

 

The problem with Trina being sick is that she gets bored, because she just has nothing to do. And when she’s bored, we enter a danger zone, because Trina got another brilliant idea. 

 

_ Game plan. _

 

She had to find a way to actually move on. It was never going to work like this, if they kept running into each other, and never properly communicated. The question was, how the hell was she gonna solve it?

 

She spent a lot of time thinking about this. She even got a whiteboard (this wasn’t very impressive, however, because her roomie just had a whiteboard anyway). Still, there was no solution but talk to him.

 

Fuck that, right? So..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	4. our gratuitous karaoke moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you’ll learn to understand their mistakes, trust me
> 
> enjoy!

Mendel, over the course of a few days, had stepped up from this, and was starting to get things together. If Trina wanted nothing to do with him, then he’d leave it at that. He had a girlfriend, and school was going  _ great _ .

 

Going out wasn’t his thing, per se, but it’d work. He hadn’t really been out with Diana, and he wasn’t big on drink, but it meant he could loosen up for the night and drop his worries on the way there.

 

He was only hoping he didn’t come across Trina. No, he wasn’t caught up with it anymore, and it didn’t bother him, but he still didn’t necessarily want to see her. Probably because he was terrified it’d start all over again.

—

Trina was doing great. Guess who had a boyfriend? Well, she wasn’t in love. She was, but not with her boyfriend. He wasn’t in love with her, either, but they could pretend, because, damn, they looked stunning together. 

 

She was going out with him again that night. She’d planned all this very intricately. And so, that evening, she spent hours getting ready. She’d picked out her sexiest dress, and spent a lot of time on her makeup and hair. 

 

Trina was all for sexy revenge plans. Well, it wasn’t  _ revenge.  _ It was showing off how fucking fabulous she was, and how well she was doing on her own.

———

Mendel hadn't even noticed Trina in a booth nearby. He stood up to get their drinks, and he glanced back, only to glance at Trina.

 

She looked hot. He’d give her that. The black dress left little to the imagination, but it wasn’t  _ Trina _ . Mendel noticed the man beside her, and it twisted the knife. He felt a wave of jealousy, although he had no right to.

 

He did, temporarily, have a moment of ‘ _ how dare she?’ _ , but he then remembered that he brought this one on himself. He’d got with somebody out of embarrassment, and he hated that he couldn’t stand to see her with someone.

 

They looked good together, but it didn’t seem like her. He bit his tongue, ordering a stronger drink and looking away.

—

Trina was holding a martini elegantly, laughing at her boyfriend’s comments and kissing him every once in a while. When she glanced over at Mendel, and saw his expression, she couldn’t help but feel pleased with herself. 

 

She wondered how Diana was doing. She must’ve hated all this, being in the middle of their drama. Well, she was done with it now. Not without going out with a bang, of course.

 

She grabbed her boyfriend by the shirt, her lips on his. She’d never done fake dating, so this was new to her. Still, she thought she was doing pretty okay, and her boyfriend seemed to think the same.

———

Mendel went back to their table, sitting down and keeping his eyes off Trina. He smiled at Diana, taking her hand and sipping his drink

 

He wasn’t one to dictate what other people do, but Trina didn’t truthfully seem in love. God, was  _ he _ truthfully in love? Sure he was. Look at her. Pretty, dark eyes, great smile.

 

Still, the concept of someone being close to Trina in that way made him feel queasy. Maybe he was just protective. What reason did he have to be protective over her, anyway? She was twenty one, and capable of taking care. 

—

Eventually, Sebastiaan’s (that was her boyfriend’s name) hands ended up on her chest, and she smiled and went along with it. 

 

Maybe she should clarify. A few days after seeing Mendel in the diner, she was visited by her best friend. That was Sebastiaan. And so, with help from Seb and her beloved whiteboard, they came up with this plan.

 

They’d been fake dating for some time now, and they’d set the boundaries on the first day. Turns out, they were both okay with a lot. It wouldn’t matter in the long run, they knew they would never fall in love. Besides, Seb had someone to impress too.

———

Mendel felt slightly nauseous as he looked over at them.

 

“Something the matter, honey?” Diana offered, frowning as she sipped her drink.

 

“No, no it’s nothing, babe,” he said. Babe? That was Diana’s effect. Mendel wasn’t really the type to call someone ‘babe’.

 

“You look pale,” she commented, trying to speak above the music. He  _ did _ look pale. And green with nausea or envy.

 

Call him uncomfortable with intimacy, but that wasn’t what he wanted to see. Especially when it was Trina. 

—

After a bit of groping, Trina whispered something into Sebastiaan’s ear, and she pulled him along, and they hid in a girl’s bathroom stall together. 

 

There, Seb opened his bag and pulled out two bottles of water and a chocolate bar. So, they just talked, making sure to stay in there for a believable amount of time. 

 

Maybe this experience changed her a little, but maybe she didn’t care. Seb and her were great friends, and they just liked helping each other. They understood each other. 

 

The person Sebastiaan wanted to impress was named Jack, and Trina didn’t really see his appeal, but she still wanted to help him. 

—

Mendel watched them leave in the direction of the bathrooms, and he looked away. Trina didn’t seem like the revenge type. Was it revenge? She didn’t seem like the quickie in a bathroom type. 

 

He swallowed thickly, downing his drink. Maybe it had gone to his head. Was he jealous? No. Of course not. No.

 

Diana insisted he didn’t look well. He told her that he was perfectly fine, but Diana being Diana, pulled him up and out of the bar and to the nearest dollar store to get water and pills. He was fine.

—

When they exited the bathroom, Trina saw that Mendel and Diana were gone. And so was Jack, apparently. That was their cue to go home.

 

She hung out with Seb in her own dorm, watching stupid romcoms all through the night while Trina worked on her new project. A  _ novel. _

 

She’d missed writing stuff like that. With how harsh her schoolwork tended to be, and with how painful and surreal the last weeks were, she needed some form of escape. 

 

It was a fantasy thing. It was a nice way of trying to forget about Mendel in between her and Seb’s fake dates, which were a lot of fun, she couldn’t lie. 

 

Still, one day she had to stop the act, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

———

Mendel focused on work. Like he’d been doing for...however long. Well, it couldn’t hurt to try again.

 

He was perched on a seat in the library, flicking between several books. He’d been working for several hours, and he had his phone off. All the way off. He loved Diana, but she was protective. 

 

He had his plan. He was gonna finish up in college, he was going to get his psychiatrist job, settle down with Diana, and start a family. Like his family wanted. Like he wanted.

—-

Trina started showing up to the library again. She really liked the place. It was calm and quiet, and she could really use that. 

 

Her life was getting back on track. Still, when she looked at herself, she could see that she’d changed. For the better? She wouldn’t know. She just knew that things were different, and she had to adapt to that. 

 

When she glanced to the side, she saw Mendel sitting a few meters away. Well, it couldn’t hurt to try and talk to him again, right? So, she scooted over to him, smiling at him a little. 

 

“Hey.”

———

He didn’t need that. He was doing just fine until now. Still, he caught her perfume and couldn’t stop himself as he looked up at her.

 

“Hey,” he said, and all he got was the night at the bar. She was wearing her hair up. She never really did that in all the time he’d seen her pass by.

 

Mendel couldn’t look at her, but couldn’t look away. He could’ve looked down and avoided any eye contact, but he wasn’t malicious. He cared for her, but was too damn nervous to admit that.

 

“You look well.”

—

“Thank you. I am well. You look good, too. How are you doing? How’s Diana? You two are still together, aren’t you?”

 

She turned to him, closing her own laptop and keeping her eyes on him. Her eyes had become more cold and piercing in the time after they met, she noticed about herself. Maybe it was some kind of defense mechanism. 

 

She just hoped their conversation would go well this time. Their relationship had been very rocky, and she didn’t even know if they were acquaintances, friends, or even something else. It was stressful.

———

He met her gaze, and regretted it shortly after. She’d never looked liked that, and it unnerved him. He knew Trina wasn’t cold. That was one of the last things she was, in his opinion.

 

“I’m doing well. Diana, too,” he cleared his throat. “What about you? The guy from the bar?” Mendel added as nonchalantly as he could. “You two seemed close.”

 

Overall, he knew he’d sound jealous. Which he wasn’t but, of course, in their circumstances, he’d sound like he wanted whatever that guy had.

—-

“Sebastiaan? Yeah, we’re together. He’s doing well. He’s sweet, and he’s good to me. He’s out of town right now, though. Off to his cousin’s wedding.”

 

Her smile grew brighter when she heard they were doing well. “I’m glad you two are okay. I’m okay, too. I’m working on a new project on the side. It’s a lot of work, but I like it. I hope it’s good.”

 

She missed talking to him, although they didn’t do it much. When they did, it wasn’t always good, but he was genuine and trying his best, and she admired that. “I should come visit. If you’ll let me.”

———

Somehow, it hurt more to know that they were actually together. Of course they were, but he wished he didn’t know. 

 

“I’m glad he’s good to you. And I’m glad the project is good for you,” Mendel said sincerely, but sounded slightly irritated.

 

“Sure you can visit,” he added quickly as he closed one of the books. He pushed it aside, flicking through a notebook. “Diana likes you,” Mendel commented.

 

“You looked good at the bar.”

—

“Thank you. So did you. I’m glad to hear that. I expected her to hate me after everything that happened between you and me,” she laughed slightly. 

 

“You sound a little annoyed with me. Did I say something wrong?” If she did, she would probably run herself over. This was her chance, and she absolutely couldn’t fuck it up. 

 

“If you want me to, I can just leave. I have to leave early anyway. Seb’s coming back today, so we wanted to go out to dinner. But I can stay if you want me to! I’m sorry.”

———

“I’m not annoyed,” he said. “And she doesn’t hate anyone.” 

 

Mendel put his pen down, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t want you to leave. If you need to leave, I understand. Enjoy your dinner, too,” he added. 

 

He wondered if they would do stuff like that if they were together. Sure, he took Di out for dinner, but it was never spontaneous.

 

Sebastiaan seemed better for her, so maybe chasing her would be fruitless. If she was happy, he couldn’t do anything about that.

—

“Thank you. I’ll stay. I’ll text Seb and see when he’s arriving. I have to pick him up from the airport, but he won’t be here for another hour, I think.”

 

She pulled out her phone and quickly texted Sebastiaan. Tonight was the climax of their entire relationship, the thing that was supposed to alert Mendel. 

 

She absolutely couldn’t mess this up. She wasn’t a terrible actress, and they’d rehearsed. They agreed that if it became too much for either of them, they could stop. Still, this was very important. 

———

Mendel glanced at her, and then back down at his work. He scribbled a few more notes, trying not to think about all of this.

 

“So, dinner, huh?” He said awkwardly, looking back at her. She looked happy enough. He wanted her to be happy. Of course. He smiled slightly. It was a bittersweet smile.

 

He thought about how taking out Diana and Trina would be different. Diana just smiled and worked with everything, and they couldn’t have conversation because she agreed with everything. 

—

“Yeah. We’re going to this sweet little Italian place fifteen minutes from here. His sister used to work there, so he’s been there a lot.”

 

She was kind of tired of pretending. Thank god it was gonna be the last time tonight. If all was well, Jack would be with Sebastiaan in no time, and Mendel would pity her a little more. That was her only move now.

 

Trina glanced at her phone once again, which buzzed. “Oh, he’s getting here early, I think. I’m sorry, I guess I’ll have to go—“

———

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Well, enjoy that,” he said, tucking his seat in a little more and turning back to his work. He felt worse than he thought he would.

 

He shook off the feeling, getting back to work and not looking up as she left. Maybe he should go out with Diana. No, she wouldn’t be up to it. She was working, anyway.

 

He worked until the library closed, packing up and going back to his empty dorm. He slept early and tried to push back the thoughts of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	5. i remember that fight, 2:30am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s really heating up with this one, huh? we supplied you with one tender, affectionate moment. and that’s all for now!

Although Mendel went to sleep early that night, it would soon be disturbed. Trina didn’t know that he was asleep, of course, and if she knew, she’d probably back out. 

 

That night, when Seb and her came back from the restaurant, it began. They gave each other a pep talk in the car, before going into Trina’s dorm, where all hell broke loose. 

 

Trina’s dorm was next to Mendel’s, and the walls were paper thin. This meant that a lot of nights were absolute hell for her, especially when she was still recovering. 

 

It began with him slamming the door, and soon evolved into screaming and crying, and at some point nearing the end, one of Trina’s vases hit the wall she and Mendel shared. 

 

God, she felt a little guilty for all this. Still, she did well. Sebastiaan left, and now she just had to wait.

———

Mendel awoke at the sound of the shouting. He sat up, a little bleary. When he recognised the screams and shouts as Trina’s, he pulled on a shirt. 

 

The door slammed for a second time, and Mendel wasted no time in leaving and knocking at her door. The last thing he needed was her injured. 

 

God, what would he do if she was injured? Could he stomach that? What was he supposed to say? What would he do? 

—

Trina carefully opened the door, still crying. She was genuinely distraught by all this, which wasn’t the plan. She didn’t tell Sebastiaan about that. 

 

Adding onto that, Seb was  _ horrible _ at aiming. He aimed just next to her, but the side of the vase actually hit her head. She wasn’t too injured, just very shaken up. 

 

“H-hi. Sorry for waking you, if I did.. I’m okay.”

 

Trina was definitely regretting all of this. She felt very guilty, and maybe she should’ve been more prepared for the impact. Still, she just needed a hug in that moment. She just hoped Seb was with Jack.

———

Mendel didn’t say anything. He pulled Trina in, hand on the back of her head. God, she didn’t look good. He held her close.

 

“Trina, are you hurt?” He asked, pulling back and cupping her face. He was so worried, and almost choked up by this.

 

They should’ve been out for dinner, coming back and falling asleep together. Instead there was this. He stayed close to her, not daring to let her go. He noticed a graze on her temple.

—

“Lil’ bit. I’m fine. You don’t have to do this— Is Diana in your room? You should go back to her if she is. I’ll be okay.”

 

Despite her protests, she let herself be held by him. This was all she wanted all along. She should’ve just talked to him. He was gonna be so mad at her when she told him about everything. That was the last thing she wanted. 

 

She looked up, tears pooling in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She was so done. She moved her head from side to side, the tears switching sides with her movement until they started streaming down her face again. 

———

Mendel shook his head. “Di is working,” he said frantically, holding her close again. He wiped her eyes, pursing his lips.

 

“What happened?” He asked, voice cracking. “You terrified me.”

 

He sat her on her bed, sitting beside her. Oh, she was crying and he couldn’t cope. She looked so sad. How could someone treat her like that? 

—

“You don’t wanna know. Oh, you’re gonna be so mad at me, and you’re never gonna wanna talk to me again. I just wanted— I- Please promise me you won’t be mad?”

 

She stood up, getting herself a glass of water and inevitably stepping on a shard from the broken vase. She cursed, pulling it out of her heel with a wince. 

 

When she’d cleaned the wound, and bandaged her foot, she sat back down, sipping at her water. “God.”

———

“No—no, I wouldn’t be mad at you. No. I couldn’t be,” he said, hands a little shaky from the rush. He looked at her with intense eyes.

 

He tapped his foot, his stomach turning. God, was she alright? That was all he wanted to know. The screaming and shouting was too much. 

 

“Please talk to me, Trina. Please,” he said, taking her hand. 

—

“Seb and I— we weren’t—“

 

Trina could feel her breathing go uneasy, and her chest felt tight. Oh, she really had to get herself together. 

 

“We weren’t actually together.. I thought that if I showed the world that I was okay, by pretending to be, I’d actually be okay. But I wasn’t. I did this for him. He was trying to impress someone, and he said that this would make it more believable for them.”

 

She started crying again, her head bowed and her eyes closing. She didn’t dare to look at him.

——

Mendel, when it finally clicked, pulled back his hand slightly. What?

 

“You what?” He stuttered slightly, looking equal parts confused, sympathetic and downright offended. 

 

Had she really faked that? And was it to prove a point of if he had someone she needed someone? He was worried sick about her, and she tells him this  _ now? _

_ — _

“If you’re mad at me, I understand. I just wanted to be okay. You’re the first person I told, aside from him, of course, but—“

 

She lost control of her breathing again, and she started hyperventilating, letting go of his hand nervously. 

 

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so sad, Mendel. Everything’s falling apart. and it’s all because of how unstable and easily hurt I am. I hate myself so, so much.”

———

“Don’t talk like that,” he said quickly, putting his arm around her. “You aren’t unstable. You’re upset. I get it.”

 

Mendel was surprisingly awful at comforting people, despite training to be a psychiatrist. He didn’t even know what to say. Maybe because it was a personal thing.

 

“Is this about me and Di?” He asked quietly, biting the inside of his cheek. He could smell her perfume, and he bit a little harder.

—

“Indirectly, maybe.. but it’s not like I was trying to get back at you. All I wanted was to feel okay again. I thought that if people thought I was doing better, I would automatically start to get better. And I thought a boyfriend was necessary for that.”

 

Trina closed her eyes. She just wanted to go to sleep, and she just wanted everything to be the way it was before. Maybe if she wasn’t so upset with him on the first night, everything would’ve been alright and maybe they would’ve been together. 

 

“Are you mad to me? Again, I get it. The fact that I’m upset and that I’m really, really, really sorry doesn’t mean you have to forgive me.”

———

“You didn’t even hint at anything romantic between us. I just thought you wanted company. Trina—if I’d have known—“ he started, but stopped himself. What? What would he have done?

 

It was more a surprise that Trina had been interested in him more than anything. 

 

“I thought you just wanted to get out there as soon as you could. It’s because I said Diana was sweet, right? Jesus. I’m so dumb sometimes,” he groaned, rubbing his face.

—

“No, it doesn’t matter, it’s just— you wouldn’t stop looking at her. You saw her, and you were completely gone. I should’ve talked to you sooner.”

 

She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing shakily. “It’s just not fair, is it? Well, I guess you did literally say that it wasn’t a date. So, I really don’t know what I expected. I kinda wish it would’ve been, though.”

 

She panicked a little upon saying this. He had a girlfriend, that was so not appropriate.. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean to make this harder.”

———

That had made it a hell of a lot harder. They were on the same track, and he ended up in a ditch.

 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I—well, I guess we’ve accepted that. I mean, I love Diana. I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”

 

_ Did  _ he love Diana? The way he would love Trina? Well, that was the question here. When he was sitting with his arm around her and her head on his shoulder, the line between them was a little more blurred.

 

He thought about it, but then his head hurt.

—

Trina would never admit that she was still a little bit hurt about the night at the diner. She probably wouldn’t be if he apologized. Well, it’s not like he owed her or anything. She was just being unreasonable, and she tried to leave it at that. 

 

“I know— I know that. You should go back to your room and get some sleep. Call Diana in the morning and see if she’s okay. Take her out or something. I’ll be okay on my own.”

 

Trina yawned quietly, screwing her eyes shut. She probably just needed sleep as well. Maybe she’d be alright in the morning. 

 

Probably not, though.

———

“I don’t wanna leave you like this,” he said, not making eye contact. “Did you leave that night because of Diana?”

 

It clicked that maybe that was the reason she left, and he felt his stomach turn. He just assumed it’s because she wasn’t interested. Mendel cringed inwardly.

 

“I’m sorry—“ he mumbled, rubbing his face out of embarrassment. “If I’d have even thought you were interested I wouldn’t have acted like that. God, I feel like a real asshole.”

—

“S’okay. I left because I was exhausted, and so when you fixated on her, it hit harder. I didn’t want to cry in front of you because of something like that, so I thought it was best if I just went home and went to sleep.”

 

Trina blinked repeatedly, steadily growing more tired. “You know, you’re a really great guy. You’re sweet and you’re sincere and you always try to help others. Don’t be too hard on yourself for this.”

 

She really didn’t want him to leave, but she still felt guilty. He seemed tired, and she didn’t want to bother him with all this. “I promise I’ll be alright.”

———

Mendel hated that she confessed that she wanted to cry. He’d probably made her cry. That wasn’t his finest achievement. His parents would love him for that one.

 

“You don’t seem like you’re doing well. Just try and get some sleep. I can stay until you’re sleeping, at least.”

 

He just wanted to see her safe and sleeping, if anything. He’d really dropped himself in it with this. Truth be told, he was still irritated that she’d staged all of this. He was damn near calling the police.

—

“I will. You don’t have to stay. I know you’re mad at me. You need to get some rest, too.”

 

She shook her head to herself, moving away from him. She really hated herself for all this. Well, in general, too. Otherwise this wouldn’t have hit her so hard. 

 

“I just want you to be alright. I don’t want you to worry about all this. I was selfish and a bitch, and that’s that. If you’ll forgive me, we can just go on. You don’t even have to forgive me. You’re not obligated. Just please go back to your room and get some sleep.”

———

“Cut it out. I have nothing to forgive you for. You were lonely, and you wanted what other people have. Who doesn’t? Just leave it.”

 

Mended shifted off her bed and stood up, rolling up his sleeves as he debated on what he was supposed to do.

 

“Just try and sleep,” he suggested as he bit his nails. He wanted to stay with her, because he didn’t trust her alone. She needed someone, he assumed. She was insecure. Who wasn’t? Mendel didn’t think she was as strong as she made out to be. There was no fault in that.

—

Trina tied up her hair, rubbing her temples. Tension was building up in her body, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted company or if she wanted to be alone. She wanted neither, probably. Or both. This was confusing.

 

“You’re clearly annoyed, though. Just.. please go,” she quietly said, her voice breaking as she pleaded. “I already hate myself enough for all this.”

 

She just wanted to cry again. Her eyes were fixed on the floor as she bit her chapped lip. God, what was she gonna do?

———

“Will you quit saying that?” He turned to her. “I’m not annoyed. You don’t have to hate yourself for this. Alright?”

 

Mendel glanced at the door, tempted to leave. He was terrified he’d end up snapping at her. Of course that wasn’t what he wanted. He just wanted her to understand that she can’t blame herself for all of this.

 

“I’ll go, if you want me to,” he said, understanding that Trina probably didn’t want him there. Diana has probably called and he wouldn’t have known. 

 

There was always Diana.

—

It didn’t matter what he said, she was still gonna blame herself. The more he repeated himself, the angrier he sounded, and it just scared her more and made her more inclined to blame herself. 

 

“Please,” she got out, tears welling up in her eyes again as she gripped at her clothing in a sad attempt of easing her tension in a way that wasn’t crying like a bitch. 

 

She thought of what she was gonna do when he was gone. She would get up, put on pajamas and go to sleep. She’d work on her novel the next day and go to class after the weekend. She didn’t even have the strength to get up and change.

 

“I’m sorry.”

———

Mendel nodded. He couldn’t go against her if it’s what she wanted. He could, but that’d just upset her more. Plus, he wouldn’t want someone constantly there if he was upset.

 

He glanced at her, and then away. Mendel turned back to her, and he smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead. “Take care,” he said, turning and leaving.

 

He quietly closed the door to his own dorm, and kept the rest of the evening quiet. If anything happened with her, he wanted to know. He wanted to help.

—

Oh, that stung. That really stung. Trina burst into tears again when he was gone, sitting still for about half an hour before she finally gathered herself and got up.

 

She slept for a long time that night, and didn’t get out of bed until the next evening. She needed some time for herself. 

 

When she finally did get out of bed, she turned her pain into productivity. She worked deep into the night, surrounded by empty bottles of iced tea and cans of energy drinks. She needed it. 

 

She didn’t go to sleep until about four in the morning, but she felt better. Fulfilled, even. It was probably a temporary feeling, but she really felt like she’d found her purpose in life. 

———

Mendel carried on the way he had for the past few weeks. Diana has been asking what was going with him, and every  _ single _ time he’d tell her he was fine.

 

Diana wasn’t the kind of girl he’d talk to about his problems. He didn’t think he’d talk to anyone about them, if life went his way.

 

He hadn’t seen Trina, and that just worried him more. He didn’t want to show up, assuming she didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to pry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	6. everyone deserves tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> diana is a sweetheart, and that’s all i really have to say about this chapter
> 
> enjoy!

Trina was doing better than she ever was. She was about halfway with her book, and she absolutely loved it. This was her passion, she was sure of it now. School was good, too. She still enjoyed journalism the way she did before. And Seb was with Jack now! Things were good. 

 

She really was good, now that she took some time to actually care for herself, and in the past weeks, she’d started opening up more. Still, she missed Mendel, and she wished he would show up at her dorm one day. 

 

She wouldn’t do that herself. She was busy as hell, and still a little paranoid about it. She didn’t have a clue what she’d say to him.

———

Mendel managed to catch her as she came out of the library. He jogged to her, hand on her elbow. He hadn’t really thought before doing that.

 

“Trina—“ he started, stopping beside her and retracting his hand after a moment. She looked like she was doing well. Then again, you never know.

 

“How are you?” He asked, smoothing down his windswept hair. His hair always looked windswept, really. 

 

She never did.

—

Trina halted, pulling out her earbuds and looking over at him, smiling warmly when she saw it was him. 

 

“Hey. It’s so good to see you. I’m good! How are you? Forgive me for asking this every time, but how’s Diana?”

 

She really was glad to see him. She was glad he spoke to her first, too. She wouldn’t dare to after their last interaction. Still, she was hopeful. 

 

This already seemed better. He looked handsome.  _ He had a girlfriend.  _ He looked well. His face was flushed and his hair was messy, but she thought that was endearing. 

 

He looked cute. She couldn’t keep denying it.

———

He smiled slightly at her light tone. Mendel smoothed out his shirt. “I’m good. Diana not so much,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“She’s been sick in bed for almost a week. Tough, huh? She doesn’t want me fussing over her. I don’t know. I don’t have the time to fuss over her.”

 

Mendel didn’t want to put all of that on her so suddenly, but he had a thing with losing his filter in situations like this.

 

“You look great.”

—

Weee-oooooo. 

 

“Oh, that’s too bad. Do you know what she has? Thank you, by the way. You look good too. You know, if you want me to, I could take care of her. I don’t have much else to do.”

 

Trina didn’t care if he wanted her to. She was going to. This was her mission. Asking him was just a nicety. 

 

“I’d have to know what’s up with her, so I can buy her some stuff, you know? I think she needs someone to take care of her. Just like everyone, really.”

———

“Chest infection,” he replied. “Coughing like hell. It’s awful,” Mendel added. He was worried about her, no doubt, but had work piling up against him.

 

“You don’t have to go, though. Sure, it’d be great if you could, but I don’t want you to go because you feel like you have to. If you’re busy, then that’s okay. I can put off my assignment for another day.”

 

Mendel knew Trina would go. If she was anything like he assumed she was, she’d go. Of course she would. To  _ Diana _ , of all people. 

 

“I can give you money for takeout, if you want.”

—

“I’m not gonna get takeout, dummy, she’s sick. She needs actual vitamins to get better. Besides, I have enough money. Is she in your dorm?”

 

Trina rummaged through her purse, checking how much cash she had on her at the moment. She really did want to help Diana. She wanted to help everyone she could help, truthfully.

 

“Don’t worry about it, okay? If I didn’t want to, then I wouldn’t. I wanna help her. You just focus on that assignment, and she’ll be just fine in a few days.”

———

“Right. Yeah, sorry. She’s in her room. The next corridor. The third one on the right,” he said, adjusting his bag.

 

Mendel glanced at his watch, sighing. “I should probably get started on this. But—thank you. Thanks for going over there,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

He grazed his hand across her arm, lingering for a moment before walking into the library and waving. God, he shouldn’t be so attached to her when his girlfriend was sick in her room.

 

Oh, god.

—

Trina waved back, smiling brightly before turning around and walking out of the building, quickly cycling to the store and getting some stuff. 

 

After a while, she arrived at Diana’s dorm with a wound on her cheek, knocking twice before opening the door a little and poking her head through. 

 

“Hey, Di.. you okay? Can I come in? Mendel told me you were sick, so I thought I could take care of you. I bought you some stuff that’ll help you feel better.”

———

Diana looked up from where she was lying in bed. She looked surprised more than anything. She sat up, clearing her throat.

 

“Hey, honey—sure, come in. You don’t have to stay. I look a fright,” she laughed quietly. She was touched by Trina’s effort.

 

“Oh, he didn’t ask you to come here, did he? He’s worried sick,” she said, but her tone faltered slightly. 

 

Diana tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, blinking herself awake.

—

Trina entered Diana’s room, carefully shutting the door and setting down her bag. She pulled up a chair and sat by her bed, smoothing back her hair. 

 

“Of course I’ll stay. You deserve someone who’ll take care of you. You look great, as always. Hell, even if you didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. You’re sick, and you’re not obligated to look good all the time.”

 

She offered a gentle smile. “He didn’t ask me. He told me you were sick, and I offered to come take care of you. Do you want some tea, sweetie? Medicine? I got you a lot of stuff.”

———

“Tea would be great, honey,” she said, smiling weakly. “But you really didn’t have to do that. Really. You’re so sweet, you know that?”

 

She pulled on the sweater lying at the end of her bed, shivering a little before tying her hair up again. She smiled slightly at Trina, eyes flickering over her.

 

“Thanks for coming by here, honey. It’s good if you to do that. Is Mendel alright? He was going to the library, right? Oh, he’s always there, bless him.”

—

“Great. Coming right up.”

 

She smiled, standing up and turning the kettle on. Trina quickly returned, handing her a puzzle book. 

 

“I bought this too. For if you get bored. He said you’ve been sick for a week. That sounds awful, but mostly very boring too. And I’m not that sweet, really. I just care about you.”

 

And she really did! Diana was a wonderful woman, and it was a shame that they didn’t talk much. 

 

“He’s alright. He’s working on an assignment. Speaking of Mendel.. how are you two? Spill that tea, sis.” Trina cringed. 

 

“I’m never saying that again.”

———

She laughed softly, shaking her head. Trina really was sweet. She cared about her, despite the obvious block between them. 

 

“Thank you for all of this. I’ll pay you back,” she said quietly. Diana glanced at Trina again with a smile. 

 

“Mendel and I are…fine. Yeah,” she mused, glancing down for a second. She shifted around, pulling the covers up a little further.

 

“Great.”

—

Trina’s hand moved to Diana’s tied up hair, and she started gently stroking it. She did look very pale. God, she was worried about the poor girl. 

 

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t have to pay me back. I have enough money. Even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t care. Anything to help you get better.”

 

She frowned a little at Diana’s hesitation.

 

“Forgive me, Di, but that doesn’t really seem fine. I’m not trying to come between you two or whatever, it’s just.. you can talk to me. I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

———

She smiled weakly at the gentle touch from Trina, and she let her shoulders drop. She felt like hell, but even just the company from Trina made her feel quite a bit better.

 

Diana looked at her, and then looked away. She hesitated, shaking her head. 

 

“He’s a real sweet guy, you know that? He cares. And he’s funny, and he’s smart.”

 

She went to speak again as she looked at Trina. Diana tapped her nails on the mug, shaking her head slowly. What on Earth was she to say?

 

“I don’t love him.”

—

Trina’s eyes widened a little at that, but her touch didn’t halt. She continued stroking her hair, as she felt like Diana needed that in the moment. 

 

“Oh?”

 

She really didn’t expect that. It must be hard, keeping up the facade of loving someone when you really don’t. Especially if—

 

“Is there someone else you do love?”

 

Well, Trina was just glad she heard it. Maybe she could give some advice. She had a pretty good idea of how to deal with something like this. Communication, right? Yeah, that should be it.

———

“I—well, yeah, I suppose so,” she said, looking as though she’d just processed what she said. “Oh, you won’t tell him, will you?”

 

Diana cared about him. Deeply, too. It was just the way he’d walked into the diner like a lost puppy and ordered orange juice and a brownie. The most obscure of orders made her heart melt. 

 

“I don’t know, honey. He was talking all about marriage, and that scared me. I’d hate to break his heart. He doesn’t know what he’s saying half the time.”

—

“Of course I won’t tell him. I promised, after all. I’m sorry about this, Di. It seems tough. Constantly pretending to be in love. Isn’t it exhausting?”

 

She should know all about that. She eventually stopped stroking Diana’s hair. 

 

“Do you want me to give you a back rub? My friend in high school taught me. Her mother was a masseuse. She was really good at it.”

 

Maybe she should help her.

 

“I get it. That sounds awful. Still, I think you should tell him as soon as possible. I’m not gonna threaten you with the entire ‘if you don’t tell him, I will’ bullshit, but I think it’d hurt less if you told him soon. I don’t know, I don’t mean to tell you what to do or anything.”

———

“You don’t have to do that, honey,” she said, shaking her head. “I will tell him. Of course I will. I wouldn’t want to hurt him any more than I will when I tell him,” Diana said quickly.

 

“I care about him! He’s darling, and he really does give great hugs,” she smiled a little. “But I don’t think he’s my thing.”

 

Diana paused, sipping her tea and looking away from Trina.

 

“I don’t think men are my thing.”

—

“Oh? Oh. Oooooh. Oh, I get it. Jesus, that makes it even harder for you, doesn’t it? I’m so sorry.”

 

Trina felt so bad for her. She stood up and grabbed her purse, pulling something out of it. 

 

“I got you a hot water bottle and some painkillers. I’ll get you a glass of water. Are you hungry? I can make you something. You know, Mendel offered to give me money for takeout. Strange, huh?”

 

She filled up a glass with water and heated up the hot water bottle, putting the glass on her nightstand and handing her the bottle. 

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll help you with what to say, if you want me to.”

———

“It’s not that I don’t care. He’s great. It just makes the whole...Well, you know. It’s difficult,” she said. 

 

“Thank you for this. You really didn’t have to buy all of this. It’s crazy,” Diana laughed softly as she shifted around. 

 

She took the bottle with a tired smile, and she pulled her knees up to her chest. She didn’t speak for a while, just considering. And thinking.

 

“He’s in love with you, I think. He talks about you so often. Isn’t that strange? He bought you lilies and then tossed them. I told him not to. I ought to stop talking, honey. I’m sorry.”

—

“I get it. And you’re welcome. It’s nothing, really. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Truth be told, I was a little shocked that Mendel wasn’t here to take care of you. He said he didn’t have time.”

 

When she said that about him, she froze. He couldn’t, really— God, this was all so complicated. But, with how everything was looking, things might just work out for them. 

 

“That’s.. very strange. Are you sure he’s in love with me? I never saw it like that. He- he bought me lilies..” 

 

Oh, that hurt more than she’d like to admit.

 

“It’s okay, you’re not talking too much.”

———

“From what I know, he is. Don’t take my word for it. I don’t know. It’s just...the way he talks about you. Sometimes he’s talking and I don’t know if he’s talking about you or he accidentally said your name instead of mine. I think it’d hurt more if—you know.”

 

Diana shook her head. “If what I’m saying is right, I wanna talk to him as soon as I can. You’re good with him,” she said. She sipped her tea again, sighing.

 

“You’ll tell me what happens? When I do talk to him? Oh, you have to. If anyone deserves to be happy it’s the two of you.”

—

“Oh, Jesus.. I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I really feel like I ruined your relationship. I really am sorry.” She took Diana’s hand and brushed her thumb over it. 

 

This was, in the truest sense of the word (three words), totes magotes  _ wild.  _ She wanted him, she did, but she never really let herself. Well, until now, she presumed. 

 

“Maybe it’ll be good if you talk to him as soon as you get better. It’ll be good for you both, from what I’m hearing right now. God, I don’t— I really feel guilty for all this.” She cast her eyes down.

 

“I will. I’ll come by and tell you about it. But— there’s a girl, right? Tell me about her. Should I know her?”

———

“Oh, please don’t feel bad, honey! It’s okay. It wouldn’t have lasted, the way I’m feeling,” she laughed softly.

 

“There’s a girl. Journalism. Her name is Rosie. Short hair? I don’t know if you know her. She’s so sweet. I don’t wanna talk too much about it all. I feel guilty if I do.”

 

Diana crossed her legs, putting her free hand over Trina’s. “I’ll talk to him later,” she said, inhaling slowly. She was terrified of hurting him.

 

“You’ll be there for him, won’t you? If he’s upset?”

—

“Oh, yeah, I know her. I think I did a project together once. She’s nice! Good luck with her. If you want me to, I’ll go over to the library and ask him for how long he’ll stay there. That way you can prepare yourself.”

 

Trina just wanted to help the best she could. This would be fine, wouldn’t it? Sure, he’d be hurt, but there would be more long term happiness. She did want both of them to be happy. 

 

“You don’t even have to ask me. Of course I’ll be there for him. I just hope he’ll ask me for help. I don’t know if it would help if he knew that I knew first. Still, I’m glad you told me. It must be nice getting that off your chest.”

———

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe it. You don’t have to tell him I told you. Of course not. If he’ll go to anyone for help, it’ll be you. I know it,” she said, growing a little more panicked.

 

Diana just hoped it would benefit the three of them. She loved Mendel, just not in the right way. Trina could love him that way.

 

It’d have to happen at some point, so it’s better now than when he really was in love with her. If he was in love with her.

—

“Just take it easy, alright? It’ll all be okay. I’ll make sure of that,” she soothed quietly. “Do you want some fruit? It’s important to get vitamins right now.”

 

Truthfully, Trina was scared of all of this too. They’d be fine, right? She just hoped Mendel wouldn’t take it too badly. He wouldn’t. Would he?

 

Maybe she was fussing over Diana too much, but from what Trina’d heard, Diana had to battle it out on her own for a whole week, and she knew how terrible that was, so she just wanted to make sure Di was okay.

———

“You should go see him, honey. I’ll be alright here,” she insisted, yawning gently. “I’ll give you my number. Drop a text? I’m so sorry about it all.”

 

Diana was terrified about talking to him. What if he hated her for it? Jesus, was he against it? She pulled her blankets up further.

 

“I’m okay. Take care of yourself in the meantime. If you need me for anything, and I mean that. Thank you.”

—

“You’re sick. Don’t stress about it. I’ll leave the stuff here, for if you need it. And don’t apologize. It’s okay, I promise.” She smoothed back Diana’s hair once more, eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

 

“Make sure to get some sleep. And take care. I’m sorry for leaving you here. Good luck with your conversation tonight,” she said with a smile, standing up and leaving the bag by the side of the bed.

 

Trina left Diana’s room, a note with Di’s number in her purse, going over to the library. Maybe she should’ve cleaned the wound on her face. Eh, it wasn’t that bad. 

 

When she spotted Mendel, she walked over to him and sat down. 

 

“Hey.”

———

Mendel looked up, surprised. “Hey. Is Di alright?” He asked quickly, pushing his book aside. He pulled out the seat beside him. 

 

“What happened to your face?” He asked, looking concerned by that. He shifted closer to her. “That looks nasty.”

 

Something didn’t feel right, but he ignored it. Her hair looked so good. He shouldn’t be thinking that, but there he was. She was a very pretty woman, come to think of it.

—

“Hah, I’m pretty sure that’s what my parents said when I was born,” she laughed. “I fell off my bike. I was going too fast, and it was a sharp turn. It just stings a little, that’s all.” 

 

She tapped her foot, hands folded on the table. “Diana’s okay. Catching up on some sleep right now. She told me to go and see you. I left her some stuff. Well, a lot of stuff. I wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

 

She instinctively covered her cheek with her hand, inhaling sharply. That hurt. She probably looked like shit like this. Well, that didn’t really matter in the moment, right?

 

“How’s the assignment going?”

———

“You need to clean that. Come back to my dorm. I have a first aid kit. I could clean it for you.”

 

Mendel was relieved to know Diana was alright, at least. “I should talk to Di. I haven’t seen her in a while,” he said thoughtfully. 

 

He shifted a little closer, narrowing his eyes at the wound. Mendel closed his book, shoving them in his bag and standing up. 

 

“Come back with me.”

—

“Alright. If you’ll talk to Diana after.”

 

She stood up after him, sighing a little. It wasn’t  _ that bad _ . Was it? Maybe he was just overprotective. Which would only be plausible if he was in love with her. 

 

God, that entire concept still scared her. After all this time, she heard it from Diana. But what if Diana was wrong, and he didn’t love her at all? Well, that was even more terrifying. 

 

She walked to his dorm with him, waiting with her arms crossed when he opened the door. She’d never actually been inside his room, so seeing this was strange, to say the least.

———

“Sit down, and I’ll go get the kit,” he said, rummaging through his cabinets. He pulled it out and sat beside her.

 

Mendel fumbled with the wipes, pulling one out. “Hold still,” he said, one hand on the side of her face as he reached to wipe the wound lightly.

 

He noticed her flinching, and apologised quickly. He was unusually nervous being so close to her, and it wasn’t even in a romantic sense. He tried not to make eye contact.

—

Jesus Christ, that hurt. So, she closed her eyes and bit through the pain. His touch was so gentle. She couldn’t wait to-  _ no,  _ she couldn’t think that. Yet. 

 

When her wound was all cleaned up, she smiled and opened her eyes, blinking a few times. God, he was so sweet to her. Still, she couldn’t get what Diana said off her mind. Was he really—

 

“Thank you so much for this. You should really go see Diana and talk to her. I think she misses you. I would too, if I was in her position. I think she’s been lonely.”

———

“Right. Yeah, I should,” he said, shifting back from her slightly and tossing the box aside. Mendel noticed her comment, me somehow, it made his cheeks warm.

 

“It was great to talk, though. Obviously cleaning your wound wasn’t the ideal way to spend the time, but it’s for a good cause, right?”

 

Mendel stood up, stretching out slightly and running a hand through his hair.

 

“I hope I’ll see you around?”

—

“Yeah. See you later.”

 

_ I love you.  _ She didn’t say that. She wanted to, but understood that she had to wait. She just hoped that Mendel wouldn’t be too hurt by Diana. 

 

He probably was. and she knew that. Trina stood up as well, quickly hugging him before going back to her own room and sitting down on the bed. 

 

She was dreading the evening a little. She didn’t want to see him hurt. She didn’t want him to be hurt at all. But, if he was gonna be, she’d be there for him. ‘Cause she loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	7. i hear the words but all i can think is ‘we should be together’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, here’s the reward for being so wonderfully patient....  
> enjoy!

There hasn’t been shouting or screaming, which was the good part. 

 

Mendel, truthfully, didn’t know if he was upset. Of course he was  _ upset _ , but there was so much to process. Had Diana ever actually loved him? And could he blame her if she hadn’t?

 

As much as he’d been thinking about Trina, he was heartbroken to hear it from Diana. She was so wonderful. He couldn’t possibly be mad at her, but it stung. He thought he was doing well with her, and with no time, they’d be two years into a relationship and moving into a cheap apartment.

 

Knowing there was someone else did hurt him, but he knew that she couldn’t help it. Of course she couldn’t.

 

He tried not to think too much as he knocked at Trina’s door, teary eyed and looking like a lost puppy.

—

There he was. Trina exhaled sharply, trying to prepare herself.  _ She didn’t know about it, for his sake _ . She stood up, opening her door carefully. 

 

She could never be prepared for that sight. Oh my god, he looked heartbroken. She absolutely couldn’t handle that. 

 

“Oh, honey.. what happened to you? Come in, sit down. I’ll get you a glass of water. Just take it easy, okay?”

 

She ushered him inside her room, sitting him down on her bed. Oh, the poor guy. She handed him a glass of water and sat down next to him. 

 

“What happened?”

———

He wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand haphazardly, blinking a couple times.

 

“Di finished it,” he said, clearing his throat and sipping the water. His hands were trembling a little, and he had no clue as to why.

 

Surely, he shouldn’t be the one to be crying to her. Logically, he could deal with this alone. Still, she was the one he wanted to see more than anyone at that point.

 

It was going to be a long night.

—

“Oh.. I’m sorry, love. C’mere.”

 

She held out her arms for him, noticing how much he was crying and how badly he was shaking. It was clear he needed a hug. 

 

“I’m here for you, okay? You can stay with me tonight, if you want. You can sleep in my roommate’s bed. She’s away for a few days anyway.”

 

Oh, she felt so bad for him. Still, she knew there was nothing she could do but be there and try to comfort him. She just hoped she could do that right. He deserved company.

———

Mendel hugged her, closing his eyes. He was terrified to admit that this is what he’d wanted. He caught her perfume, and relaxed.

 

He tried not to cry any more, understanding he’d look a mess if he did. He pulled back, swallowing thickly. 

 

“I don’t know how I feel about all of this,” he said truthfully, looking away briefly. He wasn’t sure how he felt about anything but her, truth be told.

 

“I’m sorry.”

—

“What do you mean?” 

 

Trina was confused by this. She moved her hand to his curls, stroking his hair. She didn’t really know how to comfort him. All she knew, was that she had to be there for him. 

 

“Talk to me, Mendel. I wanna help you. You deserve it. Just—“ She took his hands, trying to steady them with a gentle squeeze. 

 

“Easy, now. You’re allowed to be confused and upset about all this. It’s normal, trust me, okay?”

———

Mendel felt her hands on his, and he relaxed. Or tensed up further. He went to speak, but stopped.

 

“I don’t know if I’m disappointed. I’m upset, but I’m not sad about it. Which is kinda messed up, I guess.”

 

He shook his head, an incredulous scoff. “This is ridiculous…”

 

Mendel looked down, and made sure he wasn’t looking at her. He couldn’t stomach that.

 

“Sometimes, I’d be lying in bed with Diana, or kissing her, or  _ something— _ and I’d think about you instead. I think I’ve always wished it was you.”

—

“Oh—“

 

Trina pulled back one hand, lifting up his chin with her finger so he’d look at her. She kinda already knew this, didn’t she? And still, it overwhelmed her. 

 

“So, what you’re saying is.. you like me?”

 

She couldn’t tell him that she felt the same way until he explicitly said it. Even though he just told her that he wished he was in a relationship with her, she was still paranoid that she misunderstood. 

 

Which was a little pathetic. But what’s a girl to do?

———

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess that is what I’m saying,” he said, pursing his lips. Mendel could hardly look at her, and she was so close to him that it took most of his strength not to—

 

“I’m sorry. I know it probably isn’t what you want to hear with all of this, and I screwed you over—“ he stuttered. “I’m sorry about this. Seriously, I’m sorry.”

 

Mendel felt bad, but he knew what he and Diana had wasn’t true, and she wasn’t even interested in  _ men,  _ but he wondered if she’d be offended.

—

“Stop it.” She sighed a little in relief, moving even closer to him. God, she was so  _ happy  _ that they finally got to this point. She’d waited for  _ so long.. _

 

“I feel the same way. I love you, Mendel. And I know you probably don’t wanna dive into this, because you and Diana just split up and you probably need some time to recover, and I understand, so I’ll wait for you if you need me to.”

 

She offered him a smile, laughing a little at all of this. God, she was ecstatic. He was right, this  _ was  _ ridiculous.. but she loved it. And she loved him.

———

Mendel hugged her, hand on the back of her head and running his hand through her hair. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. 

 

He hadn’t expected her to say that. He couldn’t believe it, truthfully. Mendel assumed Trina would have tossed him aside after Diana. He thought it would be ‘I did love you, but I’ve moved on.”

 

He didn’t even want to move from her hold. He just closed his eyes and stayed close to her. He exhaled shakily.

 

“Thank you for this.”

—

“You’re welcome..” she said, hugging him back. She held him tightly, not daring to let go. He deserved someone who could hold him. And, deep down, she felt like she deserved to hold him. 

 

“I think you need to get some rest. No doubt this evening has been overwhelming for you. Stay the night? Please?”

 

Trina still hadn’t let go of him. She didn’t want to. She loved him, and he finally loved her back. Well, he already did, it was just that she finally knew. 

 

“We can talk about the technicalities tomorrow morning.”

———

He’d always loved her. Deep down, at least. “Yeah. Right. Okay, we can talk tomorrow,” he said. “I can stay.”

 

Mendel pulled back, but held her hands and kissed the back of them meekly. God, this felt so much more  _ right _ . 

 

He hoped Diana was doing well. He’d urged her to call the girl she liked just for company. Was that wrong of him? Surely not.

 

“Are you okay?”

—

“Oh, of course I’m okay. I should be asking you that. So, are you?”

 

She blushed a little at that, standing up and pulling him up with her. She pulled back the sheets of her roommate’s bed. 

 

“You could borrow an old shirt of mine, but I think it’ll be too small. I’ll wait if you have to go to your room and get your pajamas.”

 

This was so great. She felt so safe like this, and she could only hope that he felt the same way. She’d text Diana when he was asleep, she decided. 

———

“I’ll—I’ll go get them,” he said, leaving and going to his room. He closed the door behind him, exhaling on a shuddery breath.

 

He changed before quickly dashing back to her room. He closed the door, looking down. “I don’t have to stay if you don’t want me to. I don’t want you to do it out of pity.”

 

He just hoped all of this would work. He dreaded talking it through, truthfully. It was the last thing he wanted to do, believe it or not.

—

“Stop it! Just come here. I want you to stay. I wouldn’t have offered if not. C’mon, get some rest, alright? You look a little tired.”

 

Trina walked over to him, taking his arm and moving him to her roommate’s bed. She tucked him in and kissed his forehead, lingering a little and smiling gently.

 

She moved back to her own bed, pulling out her phone and texting Diana, notifying her of what had happened and asking her if she was doing alright and if she was with Rosie. While she was typing all that, she couldn’t help but glance at Mendel repeatedly to make sure he was okay.

———

Mendel turned on his side, facing away from her. He stayed awake, just listening to her movements. He closed his eyes.

 

Meanwhile, Diana replied to Trina letting her know that Rosie was with her. She then asked if Mendel was with her.

 

Had Mendel known someone was with Diana, he would’ve felt better about this whole thing. He fell asleep eventually, staying in one spot all night.

—

Trina said that Mendel was with her, and that he was gradually calming down from the entire situation, and that he was asleep. All true, of course. 

 

She got up and changed, kissing his temple on her way back to her bed. She lied down, and quickly drifted off. 

 

The next morning, Trina woke up early. She decided to make them breakfast. and so, she got out of bed, starting on some blueberry pancakes while humming to herself. 

———

Mendel woke up a little later than he usually would, and he was dazed when he realised he wasn’t in his room.

 

He noticed Trina wasn’t in the room, and so he quickly pulled himself out of the bed, dressed (after making the bed; it’s good manners) and sat on the end of her roommates bed.

 

It was unusual, and slightly uncomfortable. Whenever he tried to think about what had happened, it built up too much and he couldn’t think at all.

—

A few minutes after he woke up, Trina entered the room.

 

“Hey!” She cleared her throat, realizing it was a little too loud. It was still rather early, after all. So, she sat down on the bed and handed him the plate.

 

“Hey.. I made pancakes. I hope you like them. I thought you could use something sweet like this. I love you.”

 

God, this was probably too fast. She was overly excited, clearly. She was just happy.

———

Mendel rose his eyebrows. How anyone could have that much energy in the morning was truly beyond him.

 

“Pancakes. Yeah—that’s great. Thank you,” he said after taking the plate from her with a grateful nod.

 

“You seem like the cooking type,” he said, trying to make light conversation while he wrapped his head around everything that had happened.

—

“It’s no problem, baby. How are you feeling? Better than yesterday? Do you think we can talk right now or do you need some time?”

 

Trina, bless her heart, was kinda a morning person. Especially when there was someone to please.  _ Especially  _ when the person to please was Mendel.

 

“Yeah, I am. I have to be, if I wanna settle down and have a family so badly. My dad taught me how to cook, and my mom taught me how to bake. I’m visiting home soon to make cookies for my sister. She’s having some kind of party? I dunno.”

———

She called him ‘baby’. Mendel blushed, looking down and pursing his lips to hold back a smile. 

 

“I guess that makes sense. Hopefully it’ll be nice to see your family,” he said, really just trying to avoid conversation about what the hell they were. He knew it was pointless, and he’d have to bring it up eventually.

 

Talking it through was like sunburn. He guessed it was gonna be difficult, and if Trina’s love was  _ not some sort of cooling lotion, hell was going to break loose. _

 

“About everything that happened—“

———

“Yeah. I have to ask— do you want to be with me? Because I think that’s all we really need to establish, isn’t it?”

 

She couldn’t stand this, and she still felt the need to try and mask it by energetic small talk. Still, she held it back and just took his hands, waiting for an answer. 

 

This was no good. She hadn’t been this stressed in a long time. This was what it was all about, wasn’t it? So she couldn’t screw this up.

 

Well, it wasn’t exactly in her hands. If he said no, that was it, right? Then she might as well erase the past few months from her memory. To make it hurt less. 

———

Mendel looked at her, and looked down. He knew they had to talk this through, otherwise they’d be stuck in middle ground for god knows how long. 

 

Mendel looked back up at her, and he grabbed her face, kissing her. And hard. He had both hands on her face, and leaned so far forward that Trina was leaning  _ back. _

 

That was a good answer, right? Was that an answer? Well, it’d be helpful if she  _ did _ click with it.

 

That was the least of his thoughts as he kissed her. God, she was perfect. Completely perfect. He could hardly believe it. He wasn’t sure he ever would believe it.

—-

It took her a split second to realize what was happening, and when she did, she completely went along with it. She put her hands on his hips, having to try her best not to smile. God, she was so happy.

 

After a while, Trina pulled back, breathing heavily. 

 

“I— god.. I’m gonna take that as a yes,” she laughed. She could barely believe this was actually happening to her. 

 

She was probably about to cry. No, scratch that, she was definitely about to cry. Yeah, she was crying. She wiped her eyes, laughing once more. 

 

“I love you.”

——-

“I—are you crying?” He looked worried, wiping her eyes. “Jeez—“ He added, cupping her face tenderly.

 

Mendel kissed the corner of her mouth tenderly, eyebrows furrowed.

 

“I love you,” He said on an exhale.

 

This was what he’d wanted, and he’d only just got that now. Or maybe he’d only just acknowledged it, and he’d known what he wanted all along.

—

“Oh, yeah, I know— I’m just so happy. You would not believe— how much I’ve wanted this. And for how long..” she trailed off, tears still streaming down her face. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m a  _ mess.  _ But at least I’m the mess that you wanted. I love you so, so much. It’s a little crazy, I think.”

 

She took his hands and bowed her head, her eyes closing. This was all so much at once. It was insane.

 

“You should eat your pancakes.”

———

Mendel looked at the discarded plate, and laughed slightly. “Yeah.”

 

He shook his head in disbelief, running his hand through his hair and laughing slightly. “So...we’re a thing? Is that what this is?”

 

He shifted around. God, this was strange. Was it unfair on Diana for him to rush ahead with this? Or had she moved onto Rosie already? Well, he was happy for her, but would it hurt her if she hadn’t moved on?

—

“Yeah, I guess so..” She leaned into the touch, her head tilting back a little. She yawned quietly. She kinda already used all of her energy much too quickly. 

 

This was  _ great.  _ She was pretty sure she was still dreaming or something, and then when she woke up, she’d find out that he didn’t love her at all, and that he was still with Diana or something. 

 

But that wasn’t true, was it? The truth was that they were together, and that Trina could finally be truly happy now. 

———

Mendel finished his food fairly quickly, setting it aside. He was mainly interested in talking to Trina about all of this.

 

He shifted closer to her, taking her hand hesitantly. He looked at her, and then looked down. He couldn’t even look at her.

 

“Can I take you for dinner tonight?” Mendel asked quietly, finally managing to make eye contact and offering a wonky smile. 

 

Not his finest moment.

—

Trina nodded happily at this, smiling and kissing him again, her hand cupping his cheek. When she pulled back, she lingered, and looked down. 

 

Jesus Christ, she was crying again. She was too much, probably. But so was this entire situation, wasn’t it? She wiped her eyes once again. 

 

“I would love that.  _ Really,  _ I would. I’m sorry for being so emotional about all of this. It’s just a lot, you know? Yeah. Sorry.”

———

“No—no, I get it. I get it,” he said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. He smiled gently at her, eyes meeting hers.

 

“Please don’t cry,” Mendel said softly, pulling her close to him and rubbing her arm. He closed his eyes, pressing his lips to her temple.

 

“You really don’t know how badly I wanted to do this before now,” he confessed shyly.

—

“I’m sorry— happy tears, I promise,” she laughed. “Neither do you. I’ve been so in love with you for so long. It was a little unhealthy. But I love you.”

 

She leaned into the touch, her own eyes closing. He was so good to her, and she so strongly felt like she didn’t deserve it. 

 

“If you wanna leave, it’s okay. Not that I want you to! I just— you don’t have to deal with this. Me, when I’m like this. I love you.”

———

“I’m sorry. I wish you wouldn’t think people can’t deal with you like this. Whatever that means. You’re okay,” he said, stroking her hair.

 

Mendel sighed softly. He still felt an unusual guilt in his stomach, biting his lip and closing his eyes. 

 

“I should check on Diana,” he said, tapping his fingers on his leg. Should he be this worried? Would it offend Trina?

—

_ It hit you like a shotgun shot through the heart.  _

 

She nodded, moving away from him. “You’re so sweet. Alright, you go do that. I’ll be waiting for you. I love you.”

 

She quickly kissed his forehead, and got up, looking through her closet for some good clothes, and for a fancy dress she could wear in the evening. 

 

To be honest, the thing about Diana kind of hurt her, but she understood. So, she swallowed her sadness and smiled. 

———

Mendel left, sighing and going to Diana’s room. He was about to knock until he tuned in to what exactly was going on in her room.

 

He withdrew his hand, somehow feeling a sinking feeling settling in his stomach. He stepped back, sighing slightly before going back to Trina’s room. 

 

He knocked, not wanting to walk in on a half naked Trina. Well, that wouldn’t be the wor— _ nevermind. _

 

“Trina?”

—

“Just a second!”

 

She quickly splashed some water in her face, trying to dull down the redness in both her eyes and face. 

 

She walked to the door, opening it quickly. She didn’t expect him to be back so soon. She expected to have a little more time to herself. 

 

“Hey. Come in. Why did you come back so quickly? Did something happen? Is something wrong?”

———

“I can go, if you want—“ he said, looking panicked. Mendel stepped back for a second, looking embarrassed.

 

“Nothing happened. No, it’s fine. She’s fine. Diana, I mean,” Mendel added, shaking his head. “It’s fine. I can go.”

 

God, he must look pretty stupid. She probably wanted him gone, come to think of it. 

—

“No, come on. Just come in.” 

 

She took his hand, ushering him inside and closing the door behind him. She was a little surprised and mostly worried by his sudden panicked attitude. 

 

“I just gotta finish changing, and I’ll be with you in a minute.”

 

Trina was almost ready, so she didn’t really need to finish changing. Still, she kissed his cheek and went back into the bathroom.  

 

It took some time before she let herself cry again, albeit quietly. Her shoulders shook and she stifled the sound with her hand. It was mostly unreleased tension that she just wanted to get rid of.

———

Mendel sat on the bed, tapping his foot. Oh, god, he felt ridiculous. He bowed his head.

 

Being upset with Diana would make him a hypocrite, as. So he  _ wasn’t  _ mad. Or upset. He was just surprised. It was fine. Was Trina okay?

 

He didn’t know what he’d do if he’d upset her. He was very tired of upsetting her by now. It sounded depressing.

 

He closed his eyes.

—

Maybe she should learn how to communicate with him. Still, even though she was a writer, she wasn’t that good at conveying what she was trying to say. 

 

Trina came out after a while, sitting down next to him and lying her head in his lap. She really needed that. 

 

“I love you.”

 

_ Forget about Diana.  _ She didn’t say that, because it wasn’t what she meant. What she meant was,  _ please focus on me for a little while before we run into the same problem again.  _

———

“I love you too,” he said, running his fingers through her hair. “Diana is fine with Rosie. Believe me,” he laughed, trying to make light of it.

 

“Please stop me when I talk about her,” Mendel added, tipping back his head and exhaling.

 

He shouldn’t talk about Diana so much. She didn’t need it. But what was he supposed to do? He knew he couldn’t drop it. It wasn’t the way he was, and he cared about her.

 

She was good to him, but Trina would be too.

—

Her body tensed again, and she clenched her jaw and nodded with a small hum. She closed her eyes, trying to forget about the stinging feeling in them. 

 

Trina really wanted him to drop it. Almost needed him to. Or at least pretend that he could, because she wouldn’t tell him to stop. She couldn’t do that. 

 

She just wanted to be the only thing he cared about, for just a second. For just a second, she wanted to really feel like she was the only one for him now, and that he thought she was the most important and beautiful thing in the world. 

 

Maybe that was unreasonable, so she didn’t ask him for it.

———

“Come here,” he said, opening his arms to her. He needed to shut the hell up. Mendel held her close, rubbing her back.

 

“I love you. You know? I’m sorry for everything about Diana. I know I shouldn’t be talking so much about her. It’s just us now, right?”

 

Mendel chewed his lip, inhaling her scent and finding himself comforted. He pulled her as close as he could manage.

—

“Oh, no, it’s okay.. I love you too. And it is just us. I couldn’t be more grateful for that,” she laughed slightly. 

 

She felt her body relax against him, and she sighed. This was good. He was good. He was good to her. She loved him. She was happy. 

 

Trina hugged him tightly for a very long time, before eventually pulling back and cupping his face, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones. 

 

“I have some work to do. Do you mind? I can put it off if you do.”

———

“No, sure. You can go do that. I have a lecture, anyway,” he said, sitting up and smoothing his shirt down.

 

“Just text me when you’re finished. I can bring you lunch?” Mendel offered, standing up. 

 

He leaned down to kiss her briefly, hand lingering on her face for a moment. She was  _ so  _ beautiful. He couldn’t bear it.

 

This was good.

—

“Oh, you’re too kind. I’ll be alright. I’ll text you. Have, uh, ‘fun’ at your lecture,” she laughed, kissing him back. 

 

She smiled at him lovingly as he left, sitting up and opening up her laptop, but not before getting herself some coffee.

 

Trina got a lot of work done in that time. At around one in the afternoon, she decided that she’d done enough, and texted Mendel that she was done working and that the door was unlocked. 

 

She then decided to lay down on the couch for a little while, a throw pillow supporting her head. There was a blanket on the floor, which had fallen off her body around the time she drifted off. 

———

Mendel got back a little while later. He brought back lunch for them, despite her request not to. When he noticed she was sleeping, his heart melted. Well and truly. 

 

He picked up the blanket, laying it over her and kissing her temple. He perched on her bed, flicking through his notes and occasionally glancing over at her.

 

God, she looked so peaceful. She didn’t look as troubled or frantic as she usually did. What a  _ dream. _

_ — _

Trina woke up after a bit, feeling more rested than she did before. She rubbed her eyes, smiling upon seeing Mendel. She was so happy that he was there. 

 

She slowly got up and moved next to him, her head on his shoulder. 

 

“Hey,” she said quietly, her voice a little rough and low. “How was your lecture- what’s that on the table? I told you you didn’t have to get me food!”

 

She laughed, eyes twinkling. She couldn’t be more content with him there by her side. Sure, it was only the first day, but why would that matter?

———

Mendel smiled at her. He glanced at the table. 

 

“I didn’t want you to make something crappy. Plus, I’m protective, I think,” he admitted shyly. “I guess it could be nice.”

 

He put his arm around her, kissing her temple and smoothing back her hair. She had such soft hair. He wanted to run his hands through it, in the most innocent way possible. Innocent being the operative word.

 

“I love you.”

—

“I love you too.. Thank you for all of this. It really means a lot to me, I hope you know that.”

 

Trina was already planning out their entire future. Was she rushing?  _ Yes.  _ The fuck are you gonna do about it? She kept the thoughts to herself, but couldn’t help her cheeks growing red and her eyes going even more sparkly. 

 

Just the idea of it all. They could move in together, and get a kitten. A really small cute outcast named.. Chip, or something. They could spend nights together and spend their lives together. Get married on the beach and have a honeymoon in Greece. Have a kid or two. 

 

And one day, while they were sitting on the couch together with a cup of tea while their kids were playing or drawing something, they would look at each other and they would realize how lucky and how happy they were. 

———

Mendel was more concerned about how wonderful she looked. He noticed her blush, and he noticed the way her eyes lit up.

 

“What are you thinking, Trina?” He asked as they sat at the small table in the shared kitchen. He leaned back, looking at her with an inquisitive smile.

 

Diana always smiled and asked him what he was thinking before he ever could ask her. Trina was different, and he liked that.

—

“Oh, I don’t know if I can tell you,” she said, her eyes still unfocused and a faint smile on her face. “You might leave me for it.”

 

Trina glanced over at him, her smile going wider before she kissed him softly, her fingertips on his cheekbone. His skin was a little softer than she expected it to be. 

 

She truly was scared that he would leave her if she shared her thoughts. It was fine when she kept them to herself, but those wild fantasies weren’t meant to be shared. Like Diane Nguyen’s Belle room, but in a much less sad way.

———

“I wouldn’t. I couldn’t,” he said, putting his hand over hers and kissing her palm softly. “We’re not even a day in.”

 

Mendel sipped his drink, smiling at her as he sat back. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said. “Unless it’s dirty. Keep that to yourself.”

 

He chuckled, shaking his head as he glanced back at her. He felt unusually light. Trina’s smile made it better. God, she could make anything

—-

“You know, I will absolutely use that against you if we ever have sex,” she laughed, looking down.

 

“Alright. You really wanna know? I was thinking about the future. Our future. Not the rapper Future who was on End Game, that one Taylor Swift song.” It was filler, to hide the fact that she was thinking about kids. Kids! And, in his words, they weren’t even a day in.

 

“I was thinking too far into the future. About, like— what it’d be like if we moved in together. Got married. Had kids.” She spoke quietly, because she didn’t actually want him to hear it.

———

Mendel raised his eyebrows. “Kids,” He said, speaking slowly. “Yeah. That’s really something.”

 

He thought about it. About marrying her. It was daunting, to say the least. Sure, he’d love to, but he just  _ knew _ she couldn’t manage him for that long.

 

Well, they were 21 coming up 22, so how difficult could it be to get to that stage? She said herself she wanted to settle down as soon as she could. 

 

He could see himself marrying Trina. He’d love to. Of course he would. Even just the concept made him feel woozy. 

—

“See, I didn’t want to tell you ‘cause of this. You think it’s weird, I understand. It’s just my own little fantasy. It’s nothing.”

 

She took a sip of her own drink, glancing over at him. He didn’t look  _ mad.  _ He looked.. spaced out, mainly? It confused her a little bit. 

 

She really did want to marry him. Probably. She didn’t want to let him go, ever. That’s what it felt like in the moment, anyways. They’d already been through so much, and they only just got together…

———

“What? No—no, it’s not  _ weird _ . I’m just thinking,” he assured her, sipping his drink. “I don’t think it’s weird at  _ all. _ ”

 

Part of him was pleased she was even thinking that far ahead. It showed him she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Sure, things were confusing, but they were managing.

 

It’s not like they’d only just met. They’d known each other for two or three months, now. Just not in a romantic context.

—

Trina relaxed at that, putting her drink down and reaching for his hands. She was soothed by his reassurance that this was fine, and that he wasn’t going to leave her for this. 

 

“You really think that..? Thank you. I love you. Very, very, very much. You’re way too good to me, you know that?” she laughed slightly, breaking eye contact for a moment. 

 

She felt so content like this. She felt fulfilled. Like this, like he was the last missing piece that could make her life complete. 

———

Mendel took her hands, running his thumb over her knuckles.

 

“Don’t say that. Okay? Stop convincing yourself that everyone is so much better than you, or that you aren’t doing as well as you should be, or you don’t deserve something good. You’ll screw your head up thinking that way.”

 

He looked at her sincerely. “You deserve good things, and if I can be the one to give those things to you, I can die a happy man.”

 

He loved her.

—

“Oh, you’re gonna make me cry again, I swear to god—“ 

 

She chuckled lightly, her eyes briefly closing. In her mind, her head was screwed up enough. No particular reason. Just obsessive thoughts and a genetic predisposition for mental illnesses, she presumed. 

 

This was so strange, but in such a good way. He was so gentle, and so kind, and so good to her. She’d stated it a million times, but it was worth repeating a million times more. 

 

He loved her, and she loved him back. 

———

He stood up, taking their plates to the sink. Not before kissing the top of her head.

 

“If I’m too much, tell me. I know how I can get,” he said from where he was washing the dishes. “I won’t be offended. I understand some people don’t like all of that sappy crap. Not to say you don’t. Maybe you do. I don’t know. I’m just giving you the option.

 

He needed to shut his mouth before she decided she’d had quite enough of him.

—

“I literally just told you I wanted kids with you,” she laughed, standing up and approaching him, arms around his waist. “Need help with that?”

 

His little ramble was hilarious to her. It was like the entire conversation they just had was completely wiped from his memory. It was very strange. 

 

“You don’t have to worry about that. I don’t think you’ll ever be too much. I really am into ‘all of that sappy crap’. I have sweet dreams of being proposed to in front of the castle at Disneyland,” she laughed, picking up one of the dishes and drying it off before putting it away.

———

He dried his hands, running them over his trousers. “I guess that’s a lot to achieve,” Mendel commented. 

 

He leaned against the counter, arms folded. “I’ve never really thought about marriage until recently. I didn’t think I’d ever  _ get _ married, so there was no point in thinking about it.”

 

Until now, at least. He wasn’t a huge Disney fan, but if that’s what she wanted, he’d happily do it.

—

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no, what are you doing?” she asked, a little exasperated. “You know that we just have towels, right? You don’t have to— oh my god.”

 

She laughed softly at herself. “Sorry— it’s just a thing for me.”

 

Trina moved some stuff to the side, and hopped on the counter, her legs looking unnervingly long like that. She glanced over at him, offering her hand. 

 

“Have you ever had a relationship before? Before Diana, I mean. Like, an actual one. I always knew I’d get married. It’s just always been a thing for me. I’m a romantic at heart, for sure.”

———

He laughed slightly. “Yeah, well, my hands are dry now, so what does it matter?”

 

Mendel drew his eyes away from her legs, blushing and taking her hand. He paused for a minute before carrying on.

 

“Before Diana, no. I’d slept with someone, but it wasn’t a relationship. It was a mistake, if anything,” he said.

 

“You? Have you ever been with anyone? Not in  _ that  _ sense. As in a relationship.”

—

“It matters! I— I can’t explain it, but it matters. Shut up.”

 

She looked away, her lips pursed before she started giggling. God, that was all so stupid. This stopped when she heard his comment. 

 

“That’s.. not something I expected from you. What do you mean by that?”

 

That worried her a little, so she squeezed his hand and kissed the back of it gently, her lipgloss on his hand now. 

 

“As for your question.. in high school, I guess? In both those senses. That was a mistake too, honestly. It wasn’t good.”

———

“Oh. I pinned you to be…you know. Not that it matters. Not at all. God, no. I mean, some hypocrite I’d be. Sexist, too. I’m not sexist,” he stumbled over his words, looking at the lipgloss on the back of his hand.

 

“And it’s not important. Everyone else had slept with someone and someone offered so—it doesn’t matter.”

 

Mendel squeezed her hand lightly, looking down. He wasn’t really saying the right things, and he felt unusually jittery.

—

“I think it’s important. I’m sorry about that.”

 

She got down from the counter, moving closer to him and putting her hands on his hips. She kissed him slowly, pressing her forehead against his. 

 

“I’m here for you, now. And if it ever comes to that, you can take your time. I won’t rush or push you.”

 

“About my thing.. it was a little different. He was my boyfriend, and we’d been together for a year. It was our anniversary, I remember. He told me I had prove to him that I loved him. That, if I was a good girlfriend, I’d do it for him.”

———

Mendel frowned slightly. “Are you serious?” He blinked. That definitely wasn’t how it was supposed to work. God, it was sick.

 

“I’m so sorry for that. You must have felt terrible. I know you probably don’t wanna hear it, but you don’t have to prove anything to me in that way, and if it comes to  _ that,  _ I’ll take care of you.”

 

He cringed slightly. He really couldn’t have said that better! He was embarrassing himself now.

 

“I love you.”

—

“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t serious. I did feel terrible, but it’s okay. In the end, I agreed, so..” 

 

She sighed shakily, kissing him again before hugging him tightly. That was better. Oh, Diana was right, he did give great hugs. He was so soft.

 

“I love you too. So much. Thank you. What’s the time, by the way? And what time do you wanna go out?”

 

She needed plenty of time to get ready. I’m not gonna say it, but.. you know what mean.

———

“It’s three now, and I was thinking we go out at six? Whatever works for you,” he said, his arms around her waist. 

 

It was so  _ strange _ to have her there instead of Diana. It wasn’t a bad strange. Of course not. It just felt more hazy than wrong. It couldn’t ever feel wrong.

 

He hugged her again, swaying slightly. He didn’t want to let her go. If he could stay like this for a while, he’d be happy.

—

That comforted Trina, and so she went along with the movement, her eyes closing and her arms tightly around him. 

 

It took some time, but after a while she finally pulled away and registered what he said about dinner.  

 

“Six.. okay, that should work.”

 

She started muttering something under her breath, counting on her fingers before her eyes widened. 

 

“That does mean that I have to start getting ready  _ now. _ Sorry.”

———

“Oh. Sure. Yeah, that’s fine,” he said, nodding. Three hours seemed like an awfully long time to need to get dressed, but then again, he wasn’t very high maintenance.

 

Mendel stepped back from her, leaning back on the counter again. He rolled the sleeves of his sweater up and kissed her cheek.

 

“Just text me when you’re ready,” he commented, offering a small smile before going back to his room.

—

“I will.”

 

She went into the bathroom, with her fanciest dress. It was a special occasion, wasn’t it? So she had to look her best. 

 

Most of her time was spent trying to cover up injuries, sadly. Still, after putting herself through three hours of hell, she looked hot as fuck.

 

She smoothed out her dress once more, fluffing up her intricately styled hair before she pulled out her phone and notified him that she was ready. Then, she just stood by the door and waited. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	8. i have a date tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tooth rotting fluff, tipsy mendel, and a toast to dogs.
> 
> enjoy!

Was he supposed to get her flowers? Well, he’d bought her flowers, so there wasn’t really room for turning back.

 

He knocked at the door to her dorm, stepping back and smoothing out his shirt. It was the best he could do, being a twenty one year old college student.

 

Hopefully she didn’t hate him for all of this. That was extreme, but Mendel wasn’t the smoothest of men, and a date had potential to go up in flames if he tried hard enough. Or not at all.

—

Trina quickly opened the door, smiling at the sight of him. He looked handsome. Oh, god, he bought her flowers. That was  _ so sweet of him.  _

 

She basically looked like what Taylor Swift looked like during Enchanted on the Speak Now World Tour. Like a princess. Still, she felt like it wasn’t enough. Especially because he got her  _ flowers _ . She was never gonna forget that. 

 

“Hey. I’m sorry, I— I didn’t get you anything. You’re too sweet. Those are beautiful. You look great.”

———

“No—no, it’s fine. It’s good. You look really lovely,” he stuttered. Was that seriously all he had in him?

 

“I didn’t really know which flowers to buy, so I went with lilies. For obvious reasons,” he said, handing them to her. He ran a hand through his already messy hair.

 

He quickly let his eyes flicker over her body, taking it in as well as he could before figuring he’d have to look away. She really did look beautiful.

—

“Thank you..” she said, taking the lilies and walking away to put them in a vase. Oh, he was way too good to her. 

 

“Where are we going? I don’t know if you know any good restaurants in town, but you probably have really good taste, so you can decide if you want to.”

 

Trina took his hand, brushing her thumb over the back of it. The way his eyes looked wonderstruck, it seemed like he really meant the thing about her looking lovely. He better, because it cost her a  _ lot. _

_ ——— _

“There’s a low-key Italian place just off campus. It’s nice there. Classy,” he said, kissing the back of her hand.

 

He couldn’t keep his eyes  _ off  _ her, which could potentially be a problem. He supposed three hours wasn’t wasted. Still, she’d look great however she dressed.

 

Mendel walked with her, a little shocked by the cold air. He shuddered, glancing at the now dark sky. Winter months were the worst months, he was sure of it.

—

“Oh, that sounds great. I think I’ve been there once. It was really charming and cozy.”

 

Trina was freezing as well, but when she saw him shiver like that, she halted and took off her jacket, putting it around his shoulders and kissing him slowly, her hands shoved into his pockets. 

 

When she finally pulled back, she smiled and continued walking. He seemed like the type to get cold quickly, and she just wanted him to be alright and have fun. Having fun is much harder when you’re cold, in her opinion.

———

“Jesus—“ he struggled, taking off the jacket. He draped it back over her shoulders. “You’ll get pneumonia! I’m fine. But thank you.”

 

Trina cared so much about everything that it was difficult to get her to think about herself. She was so good, though. She cared so much.

 

He put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer as they walked. He smiled dozily at her, noticing how  _ pretty _ she looked.

—

“No! I refuse to take it back. You’re clearly colder than me.  _ You’ll  _ get pneumonia. I won’t have it,” she protested, taking her jacket off again and giving it back to Mendel. 

 

She laughed a little, and they arrived at the restaurant soon enough. “Oh, this looks so romantic, doesn’t it? I hope they have good heating inside.”

 

The lights looked amazing. Not as amazing as he did, though. He was so handsome. She was so lucky to have him there with her.

———

Mendel figured out a table for them. He handed Trina her jacket, which he’d been holding. He pulled out her chair, smiling slightly.

 

He was really just trying to be as gentlemanly and date-like as he could be, whatever that meant. It seems he’d do anything to impress her. 

 

Hopefully this would all run smoothly. If it didn’t, he’d have to bust his ass to fix it. He tried not to think too much about it.

—

Trina smiled, kissing his cheek quickly. She draped her jacket around her chair and sat down. 

 

“I’m so happy to be here with you. It’s been so long since I’ve been on an actual sincere date with someone who likes me. I’ve missed it, actually.”

 

She reached for his hand over the table, picking up a menu and scanning it. She briefly let go of his hand to get a mirror and mascara out of her purse to fix her makeup. She was kinda insecure about everything.

———

“Your makeup looks fine. Good. Great,” he corrected, smiling slightly. She looked as good as she always did.

 

“Do you want drinks? Like—alcohol drinks? Wine?” Mendel offered, all too focused on making all of this work.

 

He wasn’t huge on drinking, and his parents would have a heart attack if they knew, but it helped him loosen up. That was a benefit, at least.

—

Trina nodded and put all her stuff back in her purse, taking his hand again and squeezing it. 

 

“Oh, sure. What kind of wine do you like? Red, white, rosé? Take it easy, babe.. You seem really stressed. You don’t have to be. This is supposed to be  _ fun. _ ”

 

Trina loved wine. She really did, but she barely ever bought it for herself. She wanted to keep it special. Besides, she didn’t like being drunk that much. It just made her tired and sad.

———

“Red. Is red okay with you? I can work around that if not,” he said, ignoring her comment about his stress. “Whatever you want.”

 

Yes, he was stressed, but after a glass or two, he’d be just fine. That, or he’d end up losing his filter altogether and saying something he definitely  _ shouldn’t. _

 

He rarely took the time for himself, and now that he was, he was glad he wasn’t alone. And Trina looked dazzling.

—

“Of course it is. I love red. The album, the song, the color, and the wine,” she laughed to herself. She was just excited.

 

Trina didn’t get drunk easily, which was good, because she really didn’t want to get drunk. Especially not that night. This was gonna be special, and it was gonna be fun. 

 

“Should we just get a bottle for the table, then? That seems like the best decision. Also, what food are you getting? Because I’m not sure.”

———

Lightweight. That was the only way to describe Mendel. He wouldn’t admit this, though. Of course he wouldn’t.

 

“I have no idea,” he said.  _ I’ll probably just wait for you to order so I can order something similar but not the same so it looks like we have similar tastes and I know what to buy next time _ .

 

A waiter wandered by, and Mendel ordered the wine with only a brief stutter. Nice. He turned back to Trina with a small smile.

—

Trina smiled back, scanning the menu once again. Fuck, she really had no idea what she wanted. That didn’t make things any easier. 

 

“Now that this is an official first date.. I’d love to know more about you. I know the basic stuff, and that you want to settle, but other than that, I’m kind of clueless. So tell me more about yourself.”

 

Yeah, it was cliche, but Trina loved cliches. Besides, their entire story had played out like some kind of romcom.

———

He had no idea what to say about himself. He wasn’t an interesting guy. That’s what he thought, at least.

 

“Well...I was born in New York. So I didn’t have to travel far. I used to be on a swim team back in school. I was on the yearbook committee. Which is tragic.”

 

Mendel rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m allergic to dairy. I used to be pretty good at embroidery, but that was a pitiful mistake. I’m a dog person…?”

 

This was a huge failure.

—

Just when he finished talking, the waiter arrived with their wine and two glasses, and Trina thanked him quickly. She filled both their glasses, almost to the brim. 

 

“Interesting. Still, I don’t think you’re really telling me what you want to tell me. That’s probably because you’re blanking because I explicitly asked you. Maybe wine will help you relax?”

 

She held up her glass, the wine almost spilling on the white tablecloth.

 

“To— uhhhh.. dogs. To dogs.”

———

Mendel might as well have had ‘oblivious’ tattooed on his forehead. He tapped his glass against hers.

 

“Cheers,” he laughed. Dogs were neat, huh? This was...awful.

 

Mendel eagerly sipped the wine, blinking a couple times. God knows he needed that in his system, otherwise he’d be a downright disaster all night. And that was the last thing Trina needed.

 

He wondered if she’d sleep in his bed. In an innocent way. He wouldn’t ask her that.

—

She would absolutely sleep in his bed, and she’d let him sleep in her bed. But she wouldn’t ask him either. 

 

She didn’t really care if he was an awkward, stumbling disaster. She just wanted him to have fun with her. She would feel awful if he didn’t have fun. 

 

“Are you okay?” Trina asked. She was silent for a split second before asking: “Are you a lightweight?”

 

Ohhh, that should be fun. She chugged her wine until it was half full. Maybe, after a glass of wine, he’d be like her when she was drunk. That wouldn’t be good.

———

“Am I what? Oh, I mean—yeah. I guess,” he chuckled, drinking a little more with each sip. Mendel was a messy drunk. He lost his filter, and any common sense.

 

He considered asking her to sleep with him. Not have sex with him. Just...sleep in his bed with him. They’d manage, right? Well, there are a lot of ways it could go wrong.

 

He glanced down at the menu. “Italian is just carbs, huh?” Mendel commented. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Just an observation. Not that you’d be offended by that.”

—

Trina laughed at that. “I suppose so, yeah. Well, that’s nice, every once in a while, isn’t it? Treating yourself. And you  _ are  _ a lightweight.. More wine?” she laughed again. 

 

She filled up her own glass, which was empty by now, and handed him the bottle. She would totally sleep next to him, and sleep with him, too. Both was good. 

 

Maybe, if he got drunk, everything would be  _ bad.  _ Maybe he’d say something upsetting and wouldn’t know that it upset her, maybe he’d pass out in the middle of dinner.  _ Fuck,  _ what if he got violent or something?

 

She tried to push those thoughts aside, and sipped her wine again.

———

Mendel took the wine, smiling as he topped up his glass. The same waiter approached, and they both ordered after some consideration. 

 

He felt a warmth in his chest, and he smiled slightly wider. Mendel glanced at her from across the table, looking starry-eyed. 

 

“You’re incredible,” he mumbled as he brought his glass back up to his lips. He tried to hold eye contact, but couldn’t manage it.

—

Oh, he was definitely tipsy now. She just hoped she could deal with it. She probably could. It was  _ Trina.  _ She could deal with a lot, actually. 

 

“I’m not incredible,” she laughed, squeezing his hand. “You’re too sweet. And probably a little drunk now. But I don’t mind.”

 

He was so good to her, it was kind of insane, in her eyes. She downed her wine and put the glass down, sipping some water so she could stay sober for him. 

———

“Like hell am I drunk,” he said, kissing the back of her hand. “I’ve had a glass and a half.”

 

Mendel smiled at her. He noticed how he could still see her freckles, and the way the warm, atmospheric light cast shadows over her face. Her eyes were gorgeous, come to think of it.

 

“Your hair looks great like that,” he commented, brushing his thumb over the back of her hand and tracing out his name. 

 

“Your hair always looks great.”

—

“Well, you already mentioned you’re a lightweight. The glasses have been very full. Besides, you look and sound drunk. Again, I don’t mind, but you don’t have to deny it or anything.”

 

Trina smiled, automatically fiddling with it a little. She looked down at her other hand, eyebrows raising. What was he doing? She really had no idea. 

 

“Well, thank you.. Curling and styling it took ages, I swear. Then again, so did my makeup. And, like, shaving and my skincare routine. This took way too much time, is what I’m saying.”

———

“Well it looks good. I like it curled,” he said, tilting his head slightly. “Makes me wanna run my hands through it. Or whatever. I guess. You know?”

 

He laughed quietly to himself, straightening up and finishing his glass. He set it down, glancing around the room. God, it was warm.

 

Mendel looked back at her. The wind was knocked out of him  _ every time  _ and he knew that wouldn’t ever change. He hoped it wouldn’t, at least. Knowing him, he’d be surprised someone like her even existed every time he saw her.

—

“Thank you.. My god, you really are a lightweight. And you’re a sappy drunk, it seems. I like that. You know, I’m the worst when I’m drunk.”

 

When he looked at her with his dozy, lovestruck expression, they made eye contact. His eyes were half-lidded, his face was flushed red (she could tell he was sweating), and he had a lazy smile on his face. He looked like the most handsome man in the world. Because he was. At least to her. 

 

Trina was getting a little warm too. She filled up her glass once more and sipped from it, fanning her face as subtly as she could. 

———

Mendel laughed quietly, undoing a button on his shirt and glancing around. Their food was soon set in front of them, and Mendel opted for another half glass.

 

“Looks good,” he commented, picking up his fork. He hated eating in front of people, but hey. It was a date. What could he do about that?

 

He had to pull his eyes away from her to stop his mind from wandering as he noticed the flush rising on her neck and cheeks. 

—

“Just like you,” she said with a smirk, doing the same. The blush rose quicker when she noticed that he’d unbuttoned his shirt a little. Jesus, he couldn’t do that and expect her to not be horny. 

 

Trina felt the same way about eating in front of people. But she was there with him, and that made it a little better. Or worse? She actually couldn’t tell. 

 

When he looked away from her again, she couldn’t help but be a little insecure about it. Why wouldn’t he look at her? Was there something wrong?

———

Mendel was in a permanent state of deep blushing now. He ate quietly, sipping his drink. God knows what he’d do if he stared at her for too long. 

 

She looked excellent in the dress she was wearing.

 

He cleared his throat after a while, shifting. “It’s a nice night, huh? Friday and all,” Mendel commented, eyes half-lidded. 

 

“You—“ he started, lamely pointing at her. “Are  _ the most _ beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

—

Trina looked down and laughed a little, putting her fork down and shaking her head to herself. 

 

“And you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. God, you’re so drunk.”

 

The fact that he already acted like he was wasted meant that she didn’t really process anything he was saying about her, and just pushed it aside with the thought: ‘he doesn’t know what he’s saying.’

 

“It is a nice night,” she said, her glass in her hand and by her mouth again. “But it’s even nicer now that I’m spending it with you.”

———

“I’m really not that drunk! I’m not even drunk! Tipsy at best, Trina,” he said, finishing his food.

 

If she wasn’t processing what he was saying, he was done for. The only time he could get things like that out was when he’d had something to drink.

 

He finished his glass, setting it aside on the table and taking both her hands once she’d finished. He smiled lazily at her, kissing the back of her hand and lingering.

 

“I love you.”

—

“I love you too. But that’s bullshit, you’re totally drunk. Are you warm? It kinda looks like it.”

 

She smiled back, eyes cast down. God, she was happy, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a little wary. She was probably gonna have to take care of him once they got to one of their dorms. Probably Trina’s. 

 

“Do you wanna go home? I have ice cream and more wine at my dorm. That is, if you wanna go home with me, of course. If you just wanna go back to your own room, that’s fine too— but I’d like it if you stayed with me.”

———

“Of course I wanna go home with you,” he said, looking almost offended that she’d suggested otherwise. “If that’s what you want, I mean.”

 

He let go of her hands, smoothing out his hair and glancing around. “I’ll go...pay,” Mendel said, standing up. He was a little wobbly, but he could manage.

 

Upon his return, he offered a hand for Trina, smiling at her. She really was the prettiest little thing he’d ever seen.

—

Trina picked up her jacket, taking his hand and walking outside with him. The cool air was nice at first, but soon enough, she started shivering again. So, she stayed close to him (and supported him when he stumbled).

 

When they arrived at her dorm, she quietly opened the door, flicking on the light. Although she’d enjoyed herself a lot, it was good to be back. 

 

“Here we are. I’m gonna go change and stuff, and I’ll be with you in a minute, okay? Make yourself comfortable.”

———

Mendel sat on her bed, undoing another button on his shirt. Maybe he was still warm, or maybe he was trying to be flirty. 

 

He thought about Trina, and he thought about her changing, and then he stopped that before it got any further. He glanced around her dorm. He hadn’t really noticed the details.

 

Well, anything specific he picked out would be forgotten about in a few hours, so what was the use? He glanced out of the window.

—

Trina returned after a while, in a short nightgown and with her hair in a loose ponytail. She sat down next to him, her hand on his thigh and a small smile on her face. 

 

“How are you feeling? Do you want some water? The ice cream is also still an option, of course,” she suggested, staring in front of her. 

 

She just hoped she was helping him well enough, and that she could help him the morning after.  _ Mental note: check if you have advil. _

_ ——— _

Okay, so it was a fairly short nightgown. Oh, and her hair looked so natural and gorgeous tied up like that. 

 

He glanced down at her hand on his thigh, and he put his own hand over it. Mendel glanced at her. “I’m feeling fine. I don’t need water, but thanks, darling.”

 

Mendel’s glazed-over eyes flickered down to her lips, and he felt himself blush. They were  _ too  _ kissable. 

 

He was doomed.

—

Trina frowned a little, reaching over to gently stroke his cheek. “Are you sure? Maybe you should get some sleep.”

 

Now that they were alone, and it started getting late, she was mostly just worried about him. She was determined to take care of him, but it seemed like he wouldn’t let her. 

 

When she looked into his eyes, he noticed how glazed over they were, and that just worried here more. She took his hand.

 

“I really think you need some water.”

———

Mendel shook his head, laughing slightly. “I don’t need water, darling,” he mumbled. Mendel glanced back at her.

 

He leaned in to kiss her, hand on her cheek as he did so. He was never,  _ ever _ going to get tired of doing that. He hoped she wouldn’t get tired of him, but that wasn’t what was on his mind.

 

His head felt a little fuzzy, and his cheeks still felt warm, but he was happy, at least. He never got drunk around Diana, and he didn’t know why.

Not that he was cruel or violent. It just seemed like she disapproved.

—

Trina kissed him back, pulling back after a bit. “Really, Mendel— you need to get some sleep, baby. You’re drunk. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”

 

He wouldn’t, probably. He’d feel worse, and she knew. She’d had to deal with many hungover friends in the past, even though she was only twenty one. 

 

She really just wanted to take care of him and help him sober up, but he was awfully stubborn. Still, she could work with that, probably. 

 

“Come on. Get some sleep.”

———

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled, smiling at her. He stroked her cheek clumsily. “You called me baby.”

 

He shifted, moving away from her. Mendel stood up. “I gotta go change,” he said as he rubbed his face and made for the door.

 

Truthfully, he wanted to sleep. Or sleep  _ with  _ her. He wasn’t really sure what he wanted at that point, and so he was just...going with it.

—

“Mhm. I’ll see you in a minute.”

 

Trina stood up and filled up a glass of water, setting it in her nightstand so he could drink it when he returned. 

 

She wasn’t sure what to do. Normally, she could handle it, but this was Mendel, and she was in love with him. If she said something wrong, or didn’t do enough, she’d be dead. 

 

So, she patiently waited, fluffing up her pillow in the meantime. She wanted him to be extra comfortable.

———

Mendel went back to his dorm, changing into pyjamas and making his way back to Trina’s dorm. He closed the door behind him.

 

“I love you,” He said, sitting beside her again and kissing her cheek softly. He lingered, before resting his head on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her.

 

He closed his eyes, kissing her shoulder and laughing softly to himself. He stayed close to her, just because he  _ wanted  _ to feel close to her.

—

“I love you too. You have to get some sleep, darling. I’ll be right here.”

 

She pulled the sheets aside, trying to ease him into lying down and kissing his forehead. 

 

“There you go.. Just get some sleep, baby. If you get enough sleep, you won’t feel as bad tomorrow, okay?”

 

She ran her fingers through his curls, pulling up a chair beside the bed and sitting next to him.

———

Mendel reached out to her, frowning. “C’mere,” He said. “Stay with me? In the bed?”

 

Had he been sober, he wouldn’t have asked her to do that in a hundred and one years. He’d wait until she asked, should she ever ask. Was it too forward? That wasn’t on his mind.

 

It was what he’d wanted since they met, and that seemed like such a small thing to want. Still, he’d spent a lot of time with Diana where he wanted Trina to be.

—

“If that’s what you want, alright..”

 

She stood up, crawling to the other side of the bed and getting under the covers. She hesitantly put her arms around him and held him close. 

 

“Go to sleep,” she whispered in his ear, pecking his temple and moving in closer. “I love you a lot.”

 

Warm and comfortable, she drifted off soon enough, but not until she knew he was asleep too. And she hadn’t slept that well in six years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	9. you and me from the night before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is (technically) the last chapter! well, you’ll see. a hangover, lots of love and a small breakdown included.

He slept with his arms secured around her, smiling happily. He slept deeply and comfortably, more than content with Trina in his arms.

 

He was less comfortable when he woke with a splitting headache. He groaned quietly, shifting. His arm had gone dead with Trina lying with him, and he tried not to shift her too much.

 

Mendel reached for the glass of water on the nightstand, setting it down after sipping it. He kissed her forehead, feeling intense regret wash over him.

—

Trina woke up after he did, sitting up quickly and turning to him with a frown and a tender look in her eyes. 

 

“Good morning, sweetheart.. How are you feeling? You look like you’re in pain. I’ll get you some painkillers. Do you want breakfast?” she whispered, voice as quiet as possible. 

 

Oh, he looked so pale and tired. Poor guy. She sighed a little and ruffled his curls, pressing her lips to his temple.

———

He smiled weakly. “It’s just my head,” Mendel replied. “I am... _ so _ sorry about last night.”

 

He cringed at himself, shaking his head. That wasn’t a good idea. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled sharply.

 

“Thank you for...not kicking me out,” Mendel commented as he sat up. “I enjoyed dinner, though. I don’t think breakfast is a great idea right now. But thank you.”

—

“No, don’t apologize for that. I don’t mind, really. Lie back down. I’ll get you those painkillers.”

 

She stretched and got out of bed, kissing his forehead and going into the bathroom, opening a few cabinets before pulling out a little box of Advil. She returned, putting it down on her nightstand. 

 

“You can stay in my bed today. And tonight. I slept well next to you. I know you’re feeling awful, but I’m still glad you’re here with me. Take it easy.”

———

Mendel smiled slightly. “I love you,” He said, reaching for her hand. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, closing his eyes. He knew he should take the pills, but he waited for a moment.

 

The concept of sharing a bed with Trina again gave him horrible butterflies, and he was a 21 year old man. Her roommate would be back soon enough, which means he’d have to stay in his own dorm.

 

Maybe he could look into accommodation off campus…

 

No, surely that would rush things.

—

Trina wouldn’t mind rushing things. Definitely not. She just wanted to be with him. Honeymoon phase? Probably. Did she care? Hell no.

 

“I love you too. Take your pills, okay? You’ll feel better. I promise,” she said softly, taking his hand and kissing the back of it. 

 

He’d be okay, and she knew that. But she wanted him to be okay right then and there. She had to do  _ something _ , didn’t she?

———

“I’m okay,” he said, taking the pills. He swallowed, cringing. He pushed back his hair, tipping back his head.

 

“You’re so good to me,” he said to her, squeezing her hand softly. “You could’ve just sent me back to my dorm. I’m fine, you know. You’re so sweet.”

 

Mendel wasn’t used to having someone care so much, and he smiled weakly at her. She was a godsend gift, and he was sure of it.

 

“Do you have plans for today?”

—

“No, not really. I’m all yours, baby. I’m here to take care of you. And I’m not that sweet. You need someone right now, I understand. I’m here for you.”

 

She moved in closer and rubbed his back, eyebrows furrowed. “I’ve got you. If you need anything, just tell me, alright?”

 

Trina stayed close to him. She just wanted him to feel okay, he deserved to. It pained her to see him like this, so weak and so tired and so hungover. 

 

So it wasn’t something serious. She didn’t care. If it hurt him, it was serious to her.

———

Every time she called him ‘baby’, he felt his stomach flip. He noticed the look in her eyes, and how troubled she looked by all of this when it was just a hangover. Bless her for trying with him.

 

“If you have somewhere to be, I don’t mind,” he reminded her. “Whatever you want. I’ll be over this in a few hours.”

 

Of course, he wanted her to stay, but he wasn’t going to limit what she did just because of that. God help him if he ever even thought about controlling what she did. He couldn’t live with himself.

—

“I don’t, I promise. And you’re in pain. I want to help you, Mendel. Do you want to get some more sleep? It might help you feel better.”

 

She really did want to help him. God, she was so worried. Maybe she should’ve stopped him from drinking too much. Maybe it was her fault that he felt so awful. Oh, god.

 

“If you want.. I can go to the store today to get you some stuff. When you’re feeling up to eating something, tell me. I have saltines. It’s probably best to start out with that.”

———

“Trina. Darling. I’m okay,” he said, reassuring her. “I brought this one on myself. I drank too much, and now I’m dealing with it. I’m okay.”

 

Mendel offered her a small smile. It was upsetting to see how worried she was. She really was the maternal type, huh? He took her hand again.

 

“I appreciate what you’re doing, but I’m fine. It’s just a hangover. I’ll be over this in no time, and I’ll be on my feet again.”

—

“Oh, but you still need someone to help you through it.. I don’t know how bad you’re feeling, but you just look really pale and all. I just want you to be okay as quickly as possible. Just let me help you,  _ please. _ ”

 

She squeezed his hand, holding it tightly. She really just wanted to be there for him and help him get through it. She’d only had one hangover, so her ability to relate was limited, but maybe that just made her blow it more out of proportion.

 

“I’m here for you. I want to be. You don’t have to resist like this. You’ll feel worse on your own, I know it..”

———

“Look, I don’t even feel that bad. I took some pills for the headache, and I’ll start feeling fine soon enough. I appreciate that you’re here for me, and I’m not resisting. I genuinely don’t feel that bad.”

 

Mendel didn’t know how to get that across to her without sounding rude, and that’s not what he wanted. He just wished she wouldn’t get herself in such a state over it.

 

“Just relax, okay? You’re worrying too much. I’m okay. There really is nothing wrong. A hangover is a hangover. I’ll be fine.”

—

She just wanted to help him so badly. It frustrated her, and she clenched her jaw. It was fine. She was going to help him. She’d get through to him at some point, and he would let her in. 

 

“Please just let me do this. It’ll make me feel better, too. Get some more sleep, maybe. You need the rest. It’s important to take it easy.”

 

She bit her tongue to keep herself from saying something hurtful that she didn’t mean in a moment of overwhelming frustration. She  _ needed  _ to help him.

———

“Look, I’ll sleep if it helps  _ you _ sleep at night, but I’m okay,” he said, shifting and pulling the covers around him. He studied her expression for a moment and noticed the tension.

 

He ought to just leave it, because she seemed like she was ready to snap. Whether she would, he didn’t know. Better off not testing the theory. Mendel held her hand still.

 

He didn’t know how to convince her that he genuinely didn’t feel too bad. So he just went along with what she told him to do, because she seemed adamant on helping him.

—

Trina sighed happily but slowly at this, her shoulders dropping slightly. “Good..” she said with a smile. “Get all the rest you need, okay? Oh! I’ll make you some tea for when you wake up.”

 

She let go of his hand and stood up, kissing his forehead before going to the kitchen and turning on the kettle. Maybe she was overprotective, but she didn’t care. Better safe than sorry, she presumed. 

 

She quickly returned to his side, taking his hand again. “Sleep,” she repeated, although it was unnecessary. “I’m here, okay?”

———

He was primarily concerned about her fussing. She seemed extremely...protective. Even when it was just a hangover. 

 

Mendel slept eventually, still holding her hand. He didn’t  _ need  _ to sleep, but she was going to lose it with him if he didn’t. Probably.

 

He slept for an hour or so before blinking himself awake. “Hey,” He murmured, opening both eyes. She’d stayed where she was, which surprised him. Or did it?

—

She looked up and glanced over at him, immediately cupping his cheek. “Hey. How are you feeling? Better? I put the tea in a thermos, if you still want it. It’s ginger tea, because it’s good.”

 

She didn’t await his answer and stood up, retrieving the tea and pouring it into a Disney mug. She had too many of those, it was becoming a problem. 

 

“Here you go,” she said, handing him the mug and gesturing for him to sit up. “Do you want those saltines now?”

———

“Sure,” he replied, a little overwhelmed by her hurried movements. He took the mug and sipped it, trying to suppress a cringe. He didn’t really enjoy ginger.

 

“You stayed there the full...what is it—the full hour?” He asked from where he was looking down at his phone. “Jeez.”

 

He didn’t feel half as bad, but he’d be lucky if Trina believed him when he told her that. He’d probably end up drowning in ginger tea and various medicines.

—

“Yeah, of course I did. What’s wrong? Is it bad? Is it too strong or something? I can make another cup, it’s okay,” she rambled quickly, yanking the mug out of his hands and bringing it to the kitchen. 

 

Maybe he needed a different flavor. Oh, she could make, like, little plastic shot glasses with the different tea flavors and he could try all the flavors and determine which one he liked best! Maybe she should just start with mint.

 

She turned on the kettle once again, hurrying to the plant pot on the counter and cutting off a few mint leaves for in the tea. This was fine.

———

Mendel blinked a few times, trying to comprehend what she’d actually done. It took him a few seconds to realise she’d even left the room.

 

He sat up a little more, smoothing back his hair. He was really starting to worry about her and her frantic energy. He had no clue how to convince her that he was  _ fine. _

 

He got up, going to the kitchen and wrapping his arms around her. “See this? I’m fine. The tea was fine.”

—

When he came over to the kitchen and hugged her, Trina leaned into the touch and hugged back. A moment of calmth and silence before she started quietly sniffling and her shoulders started shaking. 

 

Oh, this was bad. This was  _ really  _ messing with her head now. She just had no idea what to do about it, because she knew she couldn’t just let it go. 

She was so determined to help absolutely  _ everyone  _ who needed it, it was hard on her when she couldn’t do it or didn’t know how to. 

———

Mendel held her tighter, running his hand over her back. “Hey…” he said in the softest tone he could muster. “Don’t cry, dear. It’s alright.”

 

“I don’t need to be helped right now. I took the pills, and my headache is fine. I slept some of it off, too. You don’t have to worry. This isn’t something you can help, okay? You can only do so much, and you’ve done that.”

 

He wrapped his arm around her waist, smoothing back her hair and wiping her eyes. Mendel kissed her forehead gently, sighing. “It’s alright.”

—

Trina cried anyway, arms tightly around him. She still felt horribly guilty and conflicted on what to do, despite his reassurance.

 

“I just wanna help you— I don’t know how to— Do you promise you’ll be alright? Please? I just want you to be okay—“

 

She sniffled, pulling away from him and sighing. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. Do you still want my mint tea?”

———

“Sure, I’ll drink the tea. Mint is good. I promise you I’ll be alright, so you don’t have to worry about a single thing,” he reassured her with a kiss to the nose.

 

Mendel felt bad that  _ she _ felt bad. He didn’t know how to comfort her when she was like this. Poor thing. She looked so stressed.

 

He took her hands. “I love you, Trina. Thank you for caring so much.”

—

Trina nodded, smiling a little, although she was still crying. “Okay,” she whispered. “I love you too. And you’re welcome. You deserve it, I promise.”

 

She let go of his hands and turned around, putting the leaves in a mug and pouring the hot water over it. She handed the cup to Mendel with trembling hands. 

 

“Here you go. I’m gonna— wash my face,” she said with a small (forced) smile, kissing his cheek before going into the bathroom with her hand in front of her mouth.  _ Still crying.  _

———

Mendel went back to her room, sitting on her bed. He sipped the tea slowly, and only just managed to hear her crying.

 

He knocked lightly at the door. “Trina?” He asked, nudging open the door. He closed it behind him, hugging her close. 

 

“You just…get it out. I’ve got you,” He said softly as he walked her to the bed. God, he felt just awful. He sat beside her and held her close to him as she sniffled

—

She tried getting her breathing under control, leaning against him and closing her eyes. She wished that all this didn’t affect her so much. All she wanted was to help people.

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, baby-” she got out, her face buried in her hands. “I don’t mean to bother you with this, really. You can just go to your own dorm if you want to. I’d understand.”

 

Trina sighed, wiping her eyes and sniffling again. “I’m okay.. I’m just overreacting, you know. I just need to get over myself.”

———

“Don’t talk crazy like that. You aren’t overreacting. I can see this gets to you,” he said, cupping her face and wiping her eyes with the pad of his thumb. 

 

He hated seeing her like this. Teary and meek. Oh, she looked so sad. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear  and kissed her cheek.

 

He’d ended up with tears on his lips, but hey. He didn’t mind so much. Mendel rubbed her arm tenderly, clicking his tongue. 

 

“Come lie with me.”

—

Trina nodded and slowly lied down, turning on her side. Was she supposed to be doing this? She was supposed to be caring for him. Then again, he did say that he was fine..

 

“Are you sure you want this? Like, me? If this gets to me so much, it’s probably gonna be like this a lot, and I don’t want to force you to deal with that. I know that can get exhausting.”

 

She moved in close, burying her face in his pajamas and closing her eyes. He looked was so warm. She knew that, if he’d leave her, she’d be devastated, but she wanted to give him a choice. She just couldn’t stand herself. 

———

“Stop thinking you’re a burden just because you get emotional over some things,” he said to her, carding his fingers through her hair.

 

“I want you. Of course I want you. More than anything, alright? I want you and your laugh and your tea selection and your sweaters and your organised folders and your pretty eyes. I love you, Trina.”

 

Mendel closed his eyes as he nuzzled Trina’s hair affectionately and inhaled. She was a comfort, even when she was crying.

—

“Oh, I love you too—“ She sniffled one last time, before she finally got a hold of herself and sighed. “God.. Sorry again for all of this. All this because I just wanted to help you, huh?” she laughed a little. 

 

Trina was just so glad he was there. He treated her so well, even after everything and even though she felt like she didn’t deserve it most of the time. 

 

“What’s the time? We could probably order some food tonight. Do you want to stay with me again? It gets lonely without anyone else here.”

———

“Sure I’ll stay with you, dear,” he said, smiling slightly. He was glad she wanted him to stay. He could get used to waking up next to her.

 

“Oh, and it’s just past five. Is that okay?” He checked with her, just to be sure. He just wanted her to be happy, and if he could do that for her, then he’d be sure to do it.

 

He kissed her forehead, and over her cheeks and jaw, and eventually her lips, where he lingered for a while. Mendel truthfully just loved kissing her. Her kisses were soft, and slow. Many a time he’d wished they were a little more rushed.

—

“Yeah, of course. Is it okay if I go to bed early tonight? I have to get up early tomorrow. But if that’s not okay with you, I can function on a few hours of sleep. It’s fine.”

 

She draped a leg around him, in an attempt to be even closer to him. She gazed into his starry eyes, and completely melted again. Oh, he was so handsome and so sweet. 

 

“I can order our food. Just tell me what you want. And give me a minute. I’m very comfortable and warm right now,” she laughed. 

———

“Take all the time you need. I’m sure it won’t hurt staying like this,” he smiled tenderly, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. She was so  _ beautiful.  _

 

He put his hand on her thigh, tracing circles with his thumb and trying not to blush at the softness of the skin. He could do this a hundred and one times over.

 

“You know, an early night doesn’t sound too bad. I could use the sleep, really. God knows I don’t get enough. Recently, at least.”

—

“That’s perfect. Thank you,” she said with a sincere smile, yawning quietly. She truly was exhausted, and this closeness and warmth was just making her sleepy. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired. I should probably get out of bed before I fall asleep right here,” she laughed quietly, rubbing her eyes. 

 

Well, she  _ should  _ get out of bed, but he was so close to her and he was holding her so tightly, so why would she want to let go? This was what she wanted all along.

———

“Stay. Just for five minutes,” he said. He didn’t  _ want _ her to move. He was immeasurably happy with her wrapped up in his arms. He was finally getting what he wanted, and he was happy. Truly.

 

He kissed her jaw again, smiling lazily to himself as he held her close to him like she was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. She  _ was. _

 

He could definitely see a life with her. Maybe it was rushing, maybe it wasn’t. It was good enough to think about proposing in front of the castle in Disneyland the way she’d mentioned.

—

She sighed happily at that, and nodded. “I’ll stay. Yeah. I’m so happy to have you here, you know that? You really don’t know how much I’ve wanted this for all this time.”

 

She went silent after that, inevitably falling asleep in his arms. She stirred occasionally, but slept calmly overall. Of course she did. Mendel was holding her. 

 

Now, she was truly doing better than she ever was. She had everything she wanted, and everything would work out, she was sure of it. If she doubted it, she only had to look in his eyes and feel all her fears wash away.

———

Mendel hasn’t even had the chance to respond. He couldn’t think of something to say. He wasn’t sure he’d ever have the words. He didn’t need them with her.

 

He looked down at her, and the way she slept so soundly, and he decided this was it. She was the woman he wanted to spend his life with, and he’d make sure that happened.

 

She was everything he wanted and so much  _ more _ . Everything about her made him fall just a little more in love than he thought would ever be possible. His world was sure to revolve around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!


	10. real love shines golden like starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a sweet little epilogue-type chapter! thank you so very much for reading this! it’s been a blast

Flash forward, and Mendel and Trina are still together after three years. The three best years of Trina’s life. They’d found a nice little apartment in the city, and they found good jobs. Most importantly, they were just as in love as they were three years ago.

 

It was a Saturday morning, and Trina woke up feeling like total garbage, just like she had for the last couple of days. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to breathe through it before Mendel woke up.

 

You see, they were going to Disneyland. They’d been planning it for months, but she knew how Mendel could get when she wasn’t feeling well. Basically, he was as protective as her, but less emotional and more stubborn.

 

Long story short, Trina didn’t have time to feel shitty. Even though she knew why. She wasn’t sick or anything. The night before, she’d taken a test, and it turned out she was pregnant. She was just waiting for the right moment to tell him. Which was not now.

———

Mendel opened an eye. “You still feeling like hell, dear? Maybe we should call off Disney. It’s a long drive, and you don’t seem well at all.”

 

He was insanely worried. She’d been looking pale and sickly for days now, and he didn’t know how worried he had to be. Maybe it was something that would pass. Like a bug. If it wasn’t, he didn’t know what action to take.

 

They were packed, and planned on leaving at eight. It was five, at least, and he sat up. Sure, calling off or postponing their trip would only make his life more difficult, but what could he do?

—

Trina rubbed her temples and shook her head. “Jesus, don’t say that.. We’ve been planning this for ages. I’m not feeling that bad. We should go, really.”

 

She shut her eyes, groaning quietly. “I’m gonna get some water. You go back to sleep, it’s still early, and you need all the rest you can get. You’re still driving, aren’t you?”

 

She quickly kissed Mendel’s cheek, getting up and going to the bathroom. She filled up a glass of water and took a few small sips. Before she went back to bed, she decided to rehearse how she was going to tell him. God, what if he didn’t want it?

———

“I’m still driving.”

 

Mendel didn’t go back to sleep. He turned on his phone, cringing at the brightness and hurriedly turning it down. This had to be perfect.

 

He wondered if they should go. Of course he wanted to, but he was so concerned about her health. He glanced over at the suitcases, and sighed.

 

He got up, opening the curtains and narrowing his eyes in the sunlight. At least the weather has held up. Well, it was July.

—

Trina eventually stumbled back to bed, wincing upon getting the sun in her eyes and crawling under the covers again, her face in her pillow. God, it was way too early for this.

 

She just wanted to stay in bed forever. But she also still wanted to go to Disneyland? It was something that excited her, but adding onto that, she didn’t want to disappoint Mendel either. He seemed weirdly hyped.

 

She tried going back to sleep, but couldn’t manage. Still, it was good to just lie there and try to get some rest before they went. It was gonna be wild, that was for sure.

———

Mendel crawled beside her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the back of her neck. “How you feeling?” He offered.

 

If this was gonna happen, he’d have to coax her out of bed soon, because the drive wasn’t going to be a pleasant one. By the time they got there, they’d have to check in and sleep again. He had to put off plans until the day after just for the sake of travel!

 

He smoothed her hair out of her face, kissing just behind her ear. “Are you sure you’re up for this, Trina? Just say the words and it’s called off.”

—

“I’m fine, and I’m sure. I want this, Mend, don’t worry about it, alright? I’ll get dressed in a minute.”

 

Soon enough, it was seven, and her alarm went off. Loudly. She sighed and shut it down, dragging herself out of bed and choosing the most comfortable but not too warm outfit she could find.

 

She didn’t bother with makeup, even though she looked like a ghost without. It didn’t matter, right? It was just a travel day. She just hoped Mendel didn’t mind having to drive for so long.

———

Mendel dressed, and found himself fussing over their things. He glanced at Trina, and smiled slightly. “You look great. I know you’re not wearing makeup, and I know you’re dressing comfortably, before you remind me.”

 

He picked up his keys, patted himself down to make sure he had everything, and straightened up. “You ready?”

 

Was he ready? 10+ hours of driving was going to be hellish. It’d be worth it, at least. That’s if all of this worked out. Which it hopefully should. If he played his cards right.

—

“Oh, you don’t have to lie to me just because I’m not feeling well. Yeah, I’m ready.”

 

She took his arm and walked outside with him, her step a little unsteady. Once they got to the car, Trina opened the door and sat down in the passenger seat, sighing to herself.

 

The muggy air of the car already made her want to throw up, so she rolled her window down and laid her head close to it, a gentle breeze brushing past her face. Well, at least she had that to get her through the car ride, right?

———

Well, the car ride (no surprise) was hell. They made it late on at night, after several stop offs due to bathroom breaks, Trina’s nausea and general fatigue.

 

He’d lugged their bags into the lobby of the hotel, looking well and truly exhausted. Mendel spent the next ten minutes or so checking in, the pair of them more than ready to sleep.

 

He flashed the card to their room at Trina, and hauled the luggage into the elevator, and into their room. He’d appreciate the magic of it after nine hours of sleep. Well, the way Trina was feeling, he’d be lucky to get six.

 

“This is nice, huh?”

—

Trina immediately undressed and got under the sheets, eyes closed. “It’s great. I love Disneyland. This’ll be so much fun, won’t it, baby?”

 

Oh, she was so afraid that she was gonna ruin it. She wasn’t sure yet if she was gonna tell him on the trip, but.. probably not. She couldn’t handle that, when they were so far away from home.

 

She just wanted to go to sleep. She’d just spent the entire car ride wallowing in misery (and a bit of self-pity), and so, she didn’t get much rest there. She didn’t even have the energy to put on pajamas.

———

Mendel hummed. “Of course it will be,” he said, getting into bed beside her in only his underwear. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes.

 

God, he needed rest. He was well and truly exhausted, and he was aching horribly. Tomorrow would be better. He could pull it off easy. Could he? Sure he could.

 

“Goodnight, darling,” he mumbled, kissing her cheek and pulling the covers around them. Sleep. “I love you.”

—

Trina snuggled into him, quickly falling asleep, but not before mumbling a sleepy “I love you too.” She stayed close to him all night, occasionally shifting due to nightmares. God, she was nervous about all of this.

 

The next morning, she woke up… uhm, not at five? She woke up at half past six, which was basically the only positive thing she could say about that. She tried to be as optimistic as possible. This was some kind of romantic getaway, after all.

 

She sat up straight, trying her best not to wake him, although that was almost inevitable. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes again.

———

It was absolutely inevitable. He was a light sleeper. “Still feeling crappy? What’s the time, dear?” Mendel asked gruffly, rubbing his eyes.

 

He sat up, rubbing her back slowly. He was getting increasingly more concerned about all of this, but tried not to panic too much. It would only drive him mad.

 

Still, he had a right to worry about her. He got out of bed, rummaging through his bag until he pulled out a bottle of water. “Here,” he said, handing it to her and perching on the end of the bed.

—

“I could’ve gotten that myself, you know,” she said quietly. “You don’t need to worry about me so much. I’ll be alright. I mean, my temperature’s fine. It’s six thirty, by the way. Sorry for waking you up again.”

 

She sipped the water, putting it down on the nightstand after a while. She knew she’d be fine, and the first few weeks would be rough. He knew that, he just didn’t know that that was happening to her.

 

She moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I love you so much. We’re gonna have fun today, I promise.”

———

“Of course we are,” he said, kissing her forehead. He tried to set his worries aside, instead focusing on the day. He felt jittery as it was, so god help him further into the day.

 

Mendel yawned softly. “The bed is great. Our bed isn’t that comfortable. I’m jealous,” he laughed a little. He was really just trying to break the ice.

 

“I love you,” He said after a minute or so of silence. “Try and get some sleep. We can leave at around nine thirty.”

—

“I love you too. And alright. You should probably get some sleep too, then. Sorry again for all of this.”

 

She moved away from him and moved back under the sheets, curling up into a ball and attempting to fall asleep again. At some point, she did. Thank god, because she’d really need it.

 

She woke up about two hours later, still feeling horrible. She got out of bed reluctantly, going into the bathroom and starting on her makeup. She was actually gonna be in public now, so she would need it.

———

Mendel stood behind her as she put on makeup. He noticed her attention to detail, and the way she looked so like and unlike herself at the same time. He’d observed this over the years.

 

He’d already dressed, and made himself look as presentable as he could. Still, he couldn’t stop his foot from tapping as he leaned against the wall.

 

He really needed this day to work out. He just needed one thing to work in his favour. That was all. He’d probably throw a fit if it didn’t, and Mendel wasn’t like that.

—

Trina hated to admit that the sound of his foot tapping was driving her insane. She sighed and tried to ignore it, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

 

“Are you nervous or something, babe?” she asked, turning to face him and taking his hand. “There’s nothing to be nervous about, you know. Everything’s okay.”

 

She quickly kissed him before turning around again, gathering her makeup and putting it away. Although she was done with putting makeup on, when she looked in the mirror, she still looked awful.

———

“I’m not nervous. I always do that,” he replied, noticing her irritated tone. He stopped tapping abruptly. Mendel straightened up, glancing in the mirror again.

 

He kissed the back of her hand before going to gather what they’d need for the day. What he needed was a drink. God, he was so stressed.

 

“Trina, darling, did you put on sunscreen? It’s pretty hot out there,” he commented, throwing stuff into a bag and hoping it was what they’d need.

—

“No, I’ll be fine. I don’t burn easily. Unlike you.” She sighed. “I’m sorry for being in such a bad mood, love, I don’t mean to be like this. I’m just feeling really bad this morning. I know it’s not an excuse..”

 

She turned to him, eyes cast down. “I love you, you know that, don’t you? And you’ll stay with me no matter what happens?”

 

She really needed that reassurance now. She was happy that they were gonna have a child, but what if he left her for it? She didn’t really know what to do.

———

He was alarmed by this, and confused. Why on earth would she even ask that? God, with all of her sickness and stress he was starting to worry.

 

“Of course. I’ll love you through anything. I’ve said this time and time again, love. Anything,” he reassured her, taking her hands and holding her tightly.

 

Mendel didn’t ask why she’d brought it up, as he figured she needed it for herself at that moment. He couldn’t blame her for that.

—

“I love you. Should we go?” She couldn’t bear to look at him, but still hugged him and closed her eyes. This was gonna be tough on her.

 

Trina pulled away after that, kissing his cheek. She took his hand and walked outside with him, gripping his hand tightly. She didn’t dare to let go. God, she was still terrified.

 

They walked to the park, and although it wasn’t so far, it felt like ages to Trina. She had to stop a few times to catch her breath, and it didn’t even really help.

———

Mendel frowned. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” He asked softly. Mendel really needed this to work out. It had to be perfect.

 

“If you aren’t, we can turn back,” he said softly. That was the last thing he needed, but her health came above everything.

 

“I love you so much. Okay? Whatever you choose to do is fine,” he said, pulling her close and frowning. He loved her so much. God, he just wished this would work out.

—

“No, babe, I’m fine. We should just keep walking. I’ll feel better in a bit, I’m sure of it. I want to do this with you. I’ve wanted this for so long. We both have, right?”

 

She inhaled sharply and sighed. “See? I’m okay. Let’s just go,” she said quietly, starting to walk again. They were almost there, which made her feel a little better.

 

Eventually, they got there, and they entered the park. “Isn’t this beautiful? It’s magical, truly. I’ve always loved this place so much.”

———

He smiled at her. “Yeah. It’s beautiful,” he said, looking at her with fond eyes. He put his arm around her, pulling her a little closer to him and kissing her cheek.

 

It was pretty intoxicating to be in the heat with the sound and light and colour. He felt a rush of nerves wash over him as he held her close to him.

 

“It’s warm, huh?” Mendel laughed nervously, tapping his fingers on his thigh anxiously. God. He needed to calm down.

—

“Yeah, it is. Are you alright, honey? You look nervous. What’s wrong? You can talk to me, you know.”

 

In that moment, it hit her that she couldn’t ride rollercoasters. Fuuuuck, how was she gonna try and explain that to him? She couldn’t tell him about it. She was far too nervous for that.

 

They reached the castle soon enough, and she sighed happily. It was stunning. She couldn’t be more glad to be there. Especially with him.

———

He assured her he was fine as calmly as he could manage to, and carried on walking. He was definitely not fine.

 

Mendel glanced at up at the castle, and exhaled. “It’s pretty, right?” He struggled, before pausing. He turned to her, pushing his sunglasses onto his head.

 

“Trina—“ he started, taking her hand. His mouth suddenly felt dry. “I love you, dear. I do. More than anyone, or anything. I—the time we’ve spent together has been the best time of my life. Truly, it has. God knows where I’d be if I didn’t have you. I don’t know what to say, but I know that I’ll love you forever. I’m not the best you can do, but I’ll love you like I am.”

 

Mendel clumsily reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box, only just managing to get on one knee. He took her hand. “Trina, darling. Will you marry me?”

—

Trina almost immediately started crying. Should she have seen that coming? Yes. Did she? No. She was overwhelmed with happiness. This was the perfect moment, wasn’t it? And so..

 

“Yes! Yes, of course I’ll marry you. Oh, I love you so much. But, baby, we’ll have to wait. Oh, I wasn’t gonna tell you on this trip..”

 

She wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath and mentally preparing to tell him. “Mend— I found out the night before we left. I’m pregnant.”

———

Mendel was so overtaken by joy that he had to take a moment to process what she’d told him. He faltered for a moment.

 

“I—you’re what?” He stuttered, but left her no time to answer before kissing her hard and hugging her. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”

 

He didn’t have time to think ‘what if I can’t manage that?’ or ‘what if she can’t manage that?’, and instead, he slipped the ring onto her finger with shaky hands. He didn’t even care about having to wait.

 

He wiped his eyes, although he continued to cry. Of course he did. “You’re pregnant. Oh my god. That explains everything. Jesus.”

—

“I know..” She hugged him tightly, looking at her hand, the diamond shining in the bright sunlight. Oh, she was so happy. This couldn’t be better. Except she still couldn’t go on rollercoasters.

 

She didn’t dare to let go. Let go of him, let go of this beautiful moment. It was gonna be rough, and the planning would be logistical hell, but at least they had each other. Forever. It was official now.

 

Trina buried her face in the crook of his neck and kissed it, her grip so tight that it could’ve broken his bones. She didn’t care. She was ecstatic. They were gonna be married. They were gonna have a right family.

———

Mendel ran his hand through her hair, laughing incredulously. He was still in shock. This was everything both of them had wanted. Oh, it was perfect.

 

He pulled back, smiling at her with teary eyes. “I love you so much, Trina. I love you forever,” Mendel added as he cupped her face and kissed her again.

 

They’d found everything they were looking for and so much more. All because of goddamn bench. That was a story and a half. Still, it was perfect, and it was them.

—

“Oh, I love you too.. I’m so happy. I can’t believe it. It’s perfect. Oh, it’ll all be perfect..” she mused, pressing her forehead against his.

 

And although they spent most of their trip crying over all this and sitting on benches because Trina still felt so awful, they were happy together. They always would be, when they were together.

 

They truly were happy. And every time she looked at him, it was like the first time. It wasn’t gonna be flawless, it never could be. But when they were together, it was enough.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> any feedback would be great!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, if you got this far!
> 
> our tumblrs are brandonjblock and valenciaruiz


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